It struck me when he said it, but I brushed it off within days. You see, when there’s not much control to speak of for months (maybe a year?), I begin to get too big for my britches.

“Well, if he’s not going to hold up his end of the bargain, then why. the fuck. should I?”

Which reason would you like first?

Because nowhere in our agreement does it say, “If Master’s feeling like letting out the leash, you’re allowed to be a brat to get your way.”

Because we’ve discussed it over, and over, and over, and I’ve commented on forum thread, after forum thread, after forum thread about how it doesn’t matter how I behave when things are going exactly how I think they should go. It matters how I behave when he’s sick, or tired, or too busy to be constantly in my face about my slavery, or just doesn’t want to, or whatever.  Read more…

“What?”

“You don’t want to know. I’m in the bathroom! YOU DON’T ASK ‘What?’ WHEN SOMEONE SAYS ‘HOLY CRAP!’ IN THE BATHROOM!!!”

“Well, I thought maybe you looked in the toilet and angels were singing, or something.”

“Yeah, I pooped Baby Jesus out my butt.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s blasphemy.”

I wonder if it’s connected to my bisexual bone?

Way back in the day, when M and me were just starting out, we met a buncha chicks and dabbled in a bit o’ polyamory. I got really freaked out for all the reasons most people get freaked out. Read more…

The other day, I was lamenting some friends I’ve lost along the way, both in the real world and on the WWW.

Of course, there are some I’ve lost because I was a bitch, or there was just one disagreement too many. Shit happens. Disagreements are a part of life. We all fuck up. Not every personality/belief system/what have you is compatible with every other personality/belief system/what have you. The best you can hope is that you learn from it.

But there are some I’ve lost due to things completely out of my control that I, quite literally, had nothing to do with. That happens, too. It sucks, and it hurts, but you move on.

M said to me, when I was expressing the hurt, “Rayne, a real friend will stick around and work shit out. And they certainly won’t stop being your friend over something that’s out of your control. So, fuck ‘em.”

Yeah. Fuck ‘em. Life goes on.

And it’s so much easier when you let go of the bullshit.

This? Is my “Here goes nothing!” face. I snapped this picture on Sunday right before we ran out the door to attend a heavy metal concert that included two bands I’d never heard before and a third I absolutely adore, but had never seen live. We’d found a really, really old clip on YouTube a few years back, and it was awful, so I had no idea what to expect.

The opener was Warbringer, a thrash metal band from California. I’ve never been a huge fan of bands that scream and growl more than they sing, but Warbringer really pulls it off. At least, live. I still haven’t heard any of their recorded stuff. But the best parts were how into their music they were and their theatrical facial expressions. They obviously understand the importance of stage presence and dramatic expression. Most of the band made sure their facial expressions and gestures were larger than life and fit with what they were singing.  Read more…

image from Style Weekly - Click for the gallery!

I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the personhood laws popping up all over the country, and especially this Virginia bill that would force women to have ultrasounds before they’re allowed to have an abortion. If you haven’t, you can read all about the Virginia Bill here on the SexFeed on SexIs.

The original bill said women would have to have vaginal ultrasounds done but that has since been amended to just a regular ultrasound, which, in some cases, will force the woman to wait longer to have the abortion because normal ultrasounds don’t always work during the first trimester. They never have for me.

The best argument FOR this bill in Virginia that I’ve come across is “informed consent,” and even that doesn’t hold up. Oh, the people screaming about how a woman should know what she’s doing when she has an abortion think it holds up perfectly fine. They’ll talk till they’re blue in the face about how there’s nothing wrong with asking a woman to make an informed decision when it comes to life or death. That, especially in this case, where there has been known mental anguish after the procedure, a woman should know exactly what she’s getting into. Read more…

image by Qfamily

I’m not talking about the “be your own person” people, or the folks who don’t like labels, or even those who are always telling us not to shoehorn them into our ideal. Their fanatics drive me crazy, but some of the points made by non-fanatics make sense and are grounded in reality.

No, it’s the “We’re not even remotely the same, so you can’t possibly know what I’m going through, and any attempt on your part to empathize is offensive” crowd that’s bumming me out, right now.

They’re in every age group, every race and every nationality. Every gender, class and group of people with similar sexuality persuasions has a few. And their battle cries are so similar, if you took out any reference to their particular group, you’d be sure they were all fighting for the same thing.  Read more…

Love is making funny faces at sunset.

I’m having a particularly difficult time with some things going on, right now. It’s not so much the events themselves, though parts of each of them (there are a few that are separate and affect different parts of my life) are sad, and awkward, and bewildering. It’s more the way the events came about, and the clusterfuck that has been left in their wake.

And of course, this shit has to happen just as that wretched beast the Monthly Monster rears her ugly head. Because why on Earth would I want to face stressful situations with a clear(er) head? That’d just be silly.

I’ve been in a straight panic since some time last week. I got a few moments of respite when I buried my head in intoxication for the weekend, but the moment sobriety returned, so did the fear. I haven’t been afraid like this in … years? Read more…

I’ve worn so many different types of underwear. I mean, most women have. There are so many different types of underwear for women to wear! From thongs to boy shorts, lace to cotton, wild colors to plain white. Underwear is one place a woman may have too many choices.

When I was little, I had She-Ra, Barbie and Smurfs on my underwear. Flowers and frogs and Raggedy Ann. They were just normal little girl underwear with the kinky elastic around the waist and thighs.

In my teen years, my mom refused to buy me anything cute. For a long time, I couldn’t even talk her into French cut, and granny panties are annoying! And did nothing whatever to keep me from taking them off. Eventually, my ex started buying me nicer underthings. My mother was quite mortified when she found a pair of white satin panties made with a hole in the ass. Read more…