Rights and Responsibilities
This is actually in response to a post made by rayne named On Productivity, Insanity and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. For everything to be in context, it might be a good idea to give her post a quick read, if you haven’t already. Part of this post is a response directed at rayne, and some are general comments.
Limits and expectations are things that should be worked out prior to a collaring. Once someone has made a commitment, in my mind that commitment should be kept.
I know with rayne and I there was a good month (and more, this after our “courting” period) where I bothered her daily to make sure she understood what she was agreeing to. This was in person, not over the net or phone, and rayne was well aware of what she was agreeing to prior to being collared.
This is a matter of trust. There are always a lot of discussions about slaves being able to trust their Masters. Dominant men (and women) don’t corner the market on crazy. There are slaves every bit as dangerous, and unbalanced, as these crazy Masters.
There should be no confusion as to what the requirements are in our relationship. The following are the agreed upon requirements:
- Obey orders when they’re given
- If there is a legitimate concern (which this ridiculous example seems to provide), the slave is allowed to respectfully request time to discuss it with me. Whether or not I choose to allow that discussion, it is still my right as Master to reinforce the order. If there is a concern I deem valid, I may decide there’s some piece of information I didn’t have, and alter or rescind the order altogether.
- Once I’ve made my determination, obedience is expected. Period. There are no exceptions. The reason for my order, unless I made it known, is irrelevant. It doesn’t have to “make sense”.
I took issue with rayne’s post on Submissive Guide suggesting that at the end of the day, if she decides in her mind that an order is “too crazy”, that she has the right to rebel and disobey. This isn’t true, and isn’t a part of our Master/slave dynamic.
This may sound harsh, and to some unreasonable. Some will claim that there’s a number of defacto rules when someone enters into this type of relationship.
To that I say bullshit. To assume such a thing means to assume that everyone is a mind reader. That each person will logically include the same items in that defacto, unspoken part of the agreement. I might not be the most knowledgeable about the world, but I’ve known enough people to understand people rarely agree on issues.
The crux of the situation is: am *I* sane or not? This is a question all slaves should ask before they accept a Masters collar. Deciding after the fact that you didn’t exercise due diligence, and thus really don’t know the person you’re collared to, is an excuse I don’t put much stock in.
I’m a very verbose person, so there’s very little room for confusion. Your mileage may vary, of course, but if any slaves out there are thinking of accepting a collar, and don’t know the type of person they’re about to be collared to, they shouldn’t enter into that type of relationship. You cannot know someone good enough only over the net or on the phone. I really don’t give a flying crap what anyone says. Sure, there are exceptions, but only fools would give ultimate control to someone they’ve never met (ya, I just called a lot of people out there that know me a fool, the truth hurts).
Death and dismemberment is a silly thing to use as an example. In general, if you agree to obey any and all orders, you’re expected to do so, without going through 50 questions in your mind in an attempt to decide if you should obey or rebel. The expectation is obvious. Respectfully ask to state your concerns, and follow the resulting order. Luckily rayne is collared, and married, to a sane person.
On to the cheating issue. It’s important to know what you want when you are negotiating your agreement together. It’s good to be very specific. Leave as little open to interpretation as possible. If there aren’t issues defined that give the slave an out, they don’t exist (unless the slaves owner decides to allow one).
The agreement rayne and I have does not give any recourse should I lie or cheat. Were I to cheat, rayne would have no choice but to learn to live with it.
I did promise that should I decide to have another (sexually or otherwise), that I would be honest and make sure she knows. No recourse, should I not follow this, is given. It does not require raynes permission, and she may not know until after the fact (depending on the circumstances).
And therein lies one of the biggest problems I’ve seen with amateur Dominants. If you give your word, it should be kept. As long as it is within your power to honor your promise, you should feel completely obligated to keep your word. I don’t need to allow rayne power to do something should I cheat, because I simply won’t. Not only do I have no reason to (because our agreement allows for me to be a man-slut), I made a promise.
Included in that attitude is being honest, both with yourself and with anyone you plan to collar. If you’re the type of person that can be tempted to have sex with someone else, admit it and make it a requirement that you be allowed to do so. Sure, the slave might pass on your collar then, but much more respect is gained by being honest and forward, than by falsely agreeing to a promise you know you can’t keep. Simple do not make promises you can’t keep. Not only will you (the Dominant) be happier in the long run, your slave will be as well, and you’ll command much more respect. Your slave shouldn’t hold you responsible, you should hold yourself responsible.