This is the last post that will be made about the Edenfantasys issues on this site.

Insatiable Desire will continue our affiliation with EdenFantasys, despite what some view as unethical behavior from EdenFantasys regarding their link policies.

My opinion on their link policies is likely in line with most that have a technical background. The method of linking they are using isn’t protecting anyone, and worse may be providing a false sense of security to the site owners. Either way, you are eventually transfered to the destination website, and at that point there is no “protection” at all. Personally, I think they should get a second opinion from another programmer, and disable this piece of code.

However, once I got over my initial irritation, I gave it some serious thought. Sometimes I can be rather impulsive, as I was with my various comments the other day. Usually I stay out of drama, and I avoid forums like the plague (the stupidity of some people never ceases to piss me off, so I’d prefer not to waste time on it). It looked like this issue was going to directly affect us, so I got involved.

For us, we didn’t join with EdenFantasys because of backlinks, and rayne wasn’t allowed to become a reviewer with the specific idea that it would raise the pagerank of insatiabledesire.com. I’ll grant you that there was an assumption on our part that any links would be what’s considered “normal”, but it wasn’t part of our reasoning for rayne joining their various programs.

The review program was of interest because we had virtually no non-bdsm related sex toys. As far as I’m aware, EdenFantasys has always lived up to their end of the bargain with regards to rayne’s toy reviews. They provide the toy, rayne provides an honest review of it. We’ve never been pressured to provide a “good”, or “bad”, review, but were told to be honest.

I allowed rayne to begin writing occasionally for them because it was essentially a “paid” gig (albeit in EdenFantasys gift cards, but it’s still valuable). This gave our site more exposure in that our name gets out there. People can still click a link and come to our site, if they wish. The gift cards allow us to fill in our toy collection with things that aren’t provided by the review program. Once again, I’m not aware of us ever having issues with this relationship. EdenFantasys lived up to all of their promises here as well.

And finally, we’re an affiliate and refer people to edenfantasys.com from our website. This does tie in with the review program, but we joined the affiliate program for the same reason most everyone does: money. Their commissions schedule still sort of confuses me, but I will tell you that again EdenFantasys has lived up to their side of the bargain. Sales made via links on insatiabledesire.com provide commissions back to us and help us to keep the site up and running. We’ve received numerous payments, and have never had trouble with EdenFantasys keeping their part of the deal.

So, you see, for us it’s easy. I do believe that their linking policies aren’t right, but the rest of our relationship with EdenFantasys has been extremely positive. Some of you that have blogged about this have asked “How can I refer other people to EdenFantasys if I don’t trust them?”. I’d suggest really analyzing the situation, and make sure you’re not feeding off of everyone elses fury. Peer pressure is alive and well on the Internet, afterall.

We refer people to EdenFantasys because they have always lived up to their side in all our dealings with them. I cannot base my decisions on gossip, because a “friend of a friend who knows someones brother” may have had a bad experience. I wasn’t involved in that, and really can’t form an opinion on one side of the story. If back links, and raising your sites pagerank, is your focus, maybe an affiliation with EdenFantasys isn’t a good fit for you. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Without any hesitation, we will continue our affiliation, and continue to recommend EdenFantasys. I ask that everyone respect our decision.

One final thing… If you choose to post a comment anonymously, you will stay anonymous. We do not give out the identity of any anonymous poster, for any reason, ever. If someone claims that we’ve given out an anonymous posters IP or name, they are lying. You can assume this is true at all times, in every situation. There has never been an exception.

This is actually in response to a post made by rayne named On Productivity, Insanity and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. For everything to be in context, it might be a good idea to give her post a quick read, if you haven’t already. Part of this post is a response directed at rayne, and some are general comments.

Limits and expectations are things that should be worked out prior to a collaring. Once someone has made a commitment, in my mind that commitment should be kept.

I know with rayne and I there was a good month (and more, this after our “courting” period) where I bothered her daily to make sure she understood what she was agreeing to. This was in person, not over the net or phone, and rayne was well aware of what she was agreeing to prior to being collared.

This is a matter of trust. There are always a lot of discussions about slaves being able to trust their Masters. Dominant men (and women) don’t corner the market on crazy. There are slaves every bit as dangerous, and unbalanced, as these crazy Masters.

Read more…

I read a post by kitti where she says:

“It’s scary because of the recent changes. I’m not sure he knows where our final destination is.”

That got me to thinking about Masters and their ultimate goals.

To be honest, I have no real destination in mind for rayne and I. Obviously, I will keep training her and continue to mold her into the slave I want. However, I have no specific goal in mind; no place I specifically want to be when we’re in our twilight years. There is just no check box labeled “Complete” in my mind.

A part of this is that, as people, we’re constantly changing. In the very beginning of our relationship the thought of having rayne service another man was abhorrent to me. At the time I felt there was no way I’d ever be comfortable with such a thing.

Then very soon after, while we were still initially discovering our sexuality together, an opportunity arose and I found that I wanted to take it. All in all it was a good experience and taught us both a lot. I would’ve never foreseen that had I thought about it just a year earlier.

I am still not the most spontaneous person in the world, but I’m sure rayne can attest to the fact that even in the years she’s known me I’ve changed a lot. I no longer need everything planned out in advance, and I’m able to “go with the flow” much more than I used to.

So what does that have to do with anything? I know there are things right now that I want to work on with rayne regarding her training. I’ll be working on verbal training via command words, for example, but the ultimate and final destination is still murky in my mind, and I’m finding that it sits just fine with me.

I find that it’s easier to concentrate on short and medium term goals, rather than stressing over the long term destination. I do think about the future, of course, but I’m flexible as far as how things turn out. One thing I know… I will be rayne’s Owner, Master and Husband, and rayne will be my property, slave and wife.

Anything in addition to that is just gravy.

It’s been over a week since I wrote Updates, G-spots and Resolutions, so I figured I’d write some updates. In short, I’m not doing too good at keeping them, thanks to my neverending work days, but it hasn’t been a total loss.

I did get a chance to take some pictures of rayne, and I’m hoping to take some more of her today (before, during, and post being beat with the knotty cat). I’m not having much luck with the twice a week resolution, but it’s still an improvement.

My blogging resolution is doing much better. This will be my second post in the past couple of weeks, which is a huge improvement over my normal once a year posting.

Everything else is still suffering, except for consistency. Despite my constantly busy work schedule, I’m still working on keeping my relationship with rayne fairly consistent. I’ve had to put off some of what I’ve wanted to do (such as the beating with the cat that she’ll be getting today), but for the most part I’ve been consistent with my expectations of her.

Which really brings me to something I had rayne post about already, which is that I work so much.

The company I work for has gone through alot of changes. I’ve always been a hard worker, which set the bar high for me from the beginning. In some ways, I did this to myself.

Read more…

Updates

We’ve recently applied alot of updates, so if anyone notices anything weird, please let us know. I’m pretty sure everything’s functioning correctly, but you never know.

That elusive spot

Over the past week another “study” was released saying that the g-spot may not biologically exist. At the moment that headline flew across my Twitter app, I knew there would be a ton of backlash. I got into a little discussion on Twitter about it, but it’s really hard to express thoughts 140 characters at a time.

In my mind, who really cares what the reports say. If that’s what gets you off, that’s what gets you off. Unless you’re a very gullible person, reports that the g-spot doesn’t exist isn’t going to change anything at all about your sex life.

What I assumed, correctly, is that it wouldn’t remain a scientific or biological issue, but would instead turn into a male/female issue, and that’s exactly what I saw happen. During the conversation on twitter, someone mentioned that men were always trying to tell women it’s all in their heads. And therein lies my issue with it.

Read more…

We’ve all done it. We get into a fight with our significant other (be it in a vanilla relationship or not) and when things get heated the emotional blackmail comes into play. What started as a small disagreement suddenly turns into a relationship killer because one of the parties uses things such as “Then I’ll just leave and you won’t have to deal with me anymore!” or “I don’t want to be with you anymore, happy now?”.

The sad thing is that most times when these types of things are said it’s not something the one who said it is even considering. It’s just a heat of the moment type of utterance that can be one of the most long term damaging things someone in a relationship can do. More after the jump.

I used to go through this with rayne, even after she became my slave. We were both guilty of it. We would start arguing about something tiny (work, hers and mine, was a common topic). Before we knew it either she was saying she didn’t want to be a slave anymore, or I was standing at the door threatening to leave. In our relationship, this kind of reaction on both of our parts had lasting consequences that have not been easy to repair.

I’m guilty, being the Master, for allowing arguments to continue to that level, and that was something I had to accept and deal with internally. Unfortunately, being in control of another human being doesn’t mean that you have the right to just switch it off when things get tough. In fact, those are the times dominants need to be even more consistent and not allow the heat of the moment to damage an otherwise good relationship. Read more…

I’m not very good at writing, to be honest; rayne is the writer. I felt the need to post something tho, because this was a very important, and painful, time in our relationship. This blog, I hope, will help someone someday while they’re working through tough times in their relationship. It’s not all about sex (hell, we have damn good sex, no problems there!). Your mileage may vary, as a disclaimer, because your relationship may be different.

I don’t want to get into a lot of detail, but I think that some detail would be appropriate, else there will be no frame of reference for anyone reading either of our blog entries.

Essentially what happened, due to many reasons (not the least of which is a breakdown of communication on both of our parts), rayne left while I was at work. The reason she left is that she was afraid. Some of this was due to my unthinking use of my mouth, and some is due to rayne not analyzing the situation and talking to me before it got too much for her to bear. She is back at home (and was back the same day), but it has left both of us raw.

I want to talk about this from 2 different point of views.

Those that have read the site know that we are Master and slave, as well as husband and wife. I’ve always thought the Master/slave part of our relationship was the more important of the two. I no longer think that, because I think each piece of our relationship offers us different things. On the Master/slave side is order, control, raw lust in a lot of cases, and on the husband/wife side is pure, unadulterated love, want and need for each others company. Sometimes the two overlap. Sometimes one takes precedence at a given time (i.e. if punishment is called for, I do not believe it’s appropriate for the “husband” to interfere, if that makes any sense). Read more…

Occasionally I do browse around some of the BDSM sites out there, when I actually have time to dedicate to it. I’m constantly amazed at the level (or lack, thereof) of intelligence that is rampant on some of the larger forums. It simply boggles my mind. I thought I’d be a Nice Guy{tm} and post some helpful hints for new Masters, or those that may not be specifically new.

If your goal is to find, collar and keep a slave, here are some helpful suggestions to do that:

1) When typing into a forum post (or IM window, etc), attempt to spell at least 70% of the words you use correctly. This means, also, do not use “text message shorthand” when trolling for slave meat. I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I read something such as “r u lkng 4 a xpriencd Mstr?”, I have a good chuckle. Regardless of your opinion of women, none of them want to become the “slave owned by the Moron” (with a capital M, of course). I’m not perfect in my spelling, either, but I do make an attempt. Why? Because words are how we communicate, and if it takes someone a half hour to decipher your jumble of words, it’s just not worth it.

2) Make some attempt at being grammatically correct. This means, also, to use punctuation where it’s supposed to be used and capitalize proper nouns, the beginning of sentences, etc… I’m amazed at the lack of self control most “Masters” exhibit when they are putting forth public communication. I’m not really speaking of hot IM sex (errr), but when you’re posting on a public forum why wouldn’t you want to put your “best foot forward”? Is it your intention that everyone assume you have an IQ lower than a common hamster? By all means, if that’s your goal, continue making no attempt to show the world (and possible slaves) that you have a brain. Once again, why would a slave give someone that’s an idiot 100% control over their lives? It just doesn’t make sense. Read more…

I spent much of this past week in the hospital with a nasty infection and abscess that was buried deep in my back muscle. Not the best time I’ve had in my life, that’s for sure.

As expected, rayne stayed by my side and was available for whatever I needed the entire time, missing a weeks worth of work herself.

When we were finally able to come home yesterday, her work wasn’t over, as she needed to whip the house into shape as I’ll be having a visiting nurse daily stop in to change the dressing on my back. We’re not messy people, but in the past couple of weeks a lot less got done due to me being sick, so it was a few hours of work.

This entire situation got me to thinking. I am generally a polite person, manners were something I was taught when I was growing up. So when a nurse brings my pain medication, or I needed to ask for something, it was always accompanied with “Please” and “Thank you”, whereas if I needed rayne to get me something it was more an order, without the pleasantries.

Briefly I felt guilty about this, I must confess. While rayne can be a pain in the rear at times, when it matters she’s usually on best behavior. So I spent some time thinking about this. Read more…

Recently the person that runs a local BDSM mailing list I’m on requested that people contribute more to the list. I sent back a message saying that I don’t normally jump in unless there’s really something to say, due to the fact that my opinions are somewhat extreme. I then went on to give some examples.

One example was the fact that I feel that “submissive” and “slave” have distinctly different definitions, but I’m not going to talk about that here.

One of my other points is that I don’t necessarily believe in the “Safe, Sane and Consensual” phrase that so many in BDSM follow. Why? Well, “Consensual” is a no brainer, however I believe that a submissive and a slave give their consent at different times. What I mean is, I believe a submissive is continually giving their consent, while a slave is giving their ultimate consent when begging for a collar, and thereafter, unless released, there is implied consent throughout the relationship. Of course, I would expect that a real Master or Mistress would take a significant period of time making sure the slave understood that before collaring them.

However, “Safe” and “Sane” are not easily defined, and are totally subjective. Each person will interpret these words differently. As I said in my post to the local list I mentioned, one person new to BDSM may feel that using a bull whip on another human being is crazy, while another may feel that nailing tender body parts to a board is both sane AND sane! Who is right? Read more…