Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you.  Basically define your kinky self for us.

A year ago, I asked almost the exact same question (log in required) on FetLife in a group I mod called Don’t Define Me (Come on in and gab with us.  All are welcome.  There’s never been any drama.  And I’m running out of topics to start, so start some! Lol.).  Not being one to ask a question and not answer it if I have an answer, I responded: Read more…

Here are the rules for this award:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award
2. Share seven things about you
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs
4. Let your nominees know about the award

Okay, so I totally forgot about this award, cause I suck.  But it was given to me by Misfit Momma, and I’m totally appreciative, though I’m not sure what I did to deserve it.  But I guess “versatile” fits, since I blog about whatever comes to mind, and not just one topic.  So thanks!!   Read more…

Dear Law School, Civil Rights Cases and Defendants Needing an Attorney Who Believes in “Innocent Until Proven Guilty”,

I’m sorry.  Having fun, getting married, and being owned took precedence.  And I keep hearing about how I’ll regret it eventually.  But the only thing I regret is taking so long to get myself under control so M would be willing to allow me to get involved.

Soon. Read more…

There’s been a change: I won’t be writing this in sequential order after all.  What? I tried! But I had an awesome idea! I’m sharing this series with Eden Cafe.  I’ll link to them all here, and of course they’ll be listed in my monthly round up.  So keep your eyes peeled!

Just because I can’t have a Tumblr doesn’t mean I can’t look at Tumblr.  I don’t think.  He didn’t say it did, anyway.

So, I searched “BDSM” on Tumblr and I’m forty-one pages in, and I found this list of prompts from QueerKink.  I know, I know.  Not even finished one series, and already starting another.  Ah well.  It’ll keep me from getting bored and increase the chances of me actually finishing them.  At least I won’t run out of things to say for a while.

Oh… And I’m gonna do this one in order.  But I can’t guarantee I’ll do it in thirty days.

(Also… I’m trying to talk M into doing this, as well.  If you’re interested in hearing His answers, do me a favor and sound off here.  Maybe He’ll be more inclined to give it a shot if He knows it’ll be well received!) Read more…

Stolen from Kaya.  Apparently, I’m as bored as she is.  Though I suppose I have better things I could be doing.  Like finishing the two reviews I’ve started.

1. What is your first name?
I’d rather not say.  Those who are close to me know.  But we’re considering changing it, legally, to Rayne, so you guys are more than welcome to keep calling me that.

2. Were you named after anyone?
I can’t remember if the women are my cousins or my aunts or just my birth mother’s friends.  That’s horrible, I know.  But I don’t really talk to my family, and I seem to have forgotten all the stories I only heard at the funeral of one of the few family members I cherished.  Read more…

Kaya and Jenpet gave us a blogging award.  (Thanks, ladies!) And while I’m flattered and ridiculously grateful, I hate them.  ~snicker~

Okay, I don’t really hate them.  I love them muchly.  But here’s the thing: By the time a blogger award lands in my lap, everyone I love has already been gifted with one! Which makes it really flipping difficult to continue the tradition.

Jerks.

I still love you! =D

I’m supposed to give this here award to three people, and then tell you guys seven things you don’t already know about me.  So let’s see…

1. Cinnabuns
2. Jade
3. Kayla

Had everyone else I love not been awarded with this already (and to be honest, these three may have been also), my list would be much longer.

Seven things… Hmm…

1. I’ve recently started the process of preparing my hair for going shampooless.  No, I’m not gonna become a scumbag.  I’m gonna start washing and conditioning my hair with things less harmful to both my hair and the environment.
2. We’re (read: Master, me, Cinnabuns, Histora, and their men, if they ever get on) playing this neat build-your-own-city-and-kill-everyone-around-you game.  And we’re hooked! Well, M and I are hooked.  I haven’t had a chance to ask cin and tora what they think of it yet.  BUT! It’s free and we’re in the process of building an alliance so you guys, if you’re into those kinds of games, should totally sign up, and get on server 3, and join our alliance.  The game’s called Lord of Ultima.  Email me if you’re gonna play with your name so I can invite you to our alliance.  If we build a ginormous alliance we can take over the world! Buwahahah! Play with us! It’s fun!
3. I’ve started a project that only a select few know about.  Sort of activism and education all rolled into one.
4. I’m already getting discouraged about it.
5. I get really mad at the weather.  As if my scrunched up nose and incessant yelling at the wind is going to change anything.
6. I still haven’t stopped drinking soda or eating snack food.  Maybe I’ll start Monday.  What? Starting a diet on the weekend is just blasphemous!
7. My ass naturally wiggles in that sexy way so many girls on the runway try to fake.  So much so that when I worked at the mansion, one of my residents said, as I was leaving, “If I had a swing like that in my backyard, I’d be on it all day.” Hee!

What seven words would you use to describe yourself?

1. Owned – Other parts of who I am change and grow as M continues my training.  But one thing that never changes is the fact that I am owned.
2. Loyal - Or maybe that should read “gullible”? I’m like Charlie Brown.  Every time I go out to kick the ball, Lucy snatches it away, and I end up on my ass.  But I practice kicking with her anyway.  I give people second chances to a fault.  It takes some serious hurt to get me to give up on someone.
3. Strong – It’s almost impossible to keep me down.  I suppose that could be my short memory and lack of common sense.  But I like to believe it’s left over from learning to “walk it off” in softball practice, whether “it” was an injury, hurt feelings or anger.
4. Submissive – I tend to bow to the will of the strongest person in the room if that’s not me.  It’s how I was raised.  My father was the strongest person in the room, always, and the only one I respected enough to listen to.  Until I didn’t anymore.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Now, M is always the strongest person in the room.  I’m really not sure anyone would ever be able to convince me otherwise.
5. Caring – If I like you, you can bet I care about you.  If I don’t know you, I, more likely than not, care about you in the abstract.  And if I know you and don’t particularly like you, I at least care enough to wish you well, even if I won’t cry about it if you’re not well.  I’m a weirdo that way.
6. Paranoid – About everything and nothing.
7. Happy – Even with all the bullshit that keeps stomping us back down when we start to gain our footing, I am happy.  My relationship is going well.  I have good friends, even if we don’t get to talk much.  And I am happy.

jenpet, for March Question Month, asked:

• If you could live anywhere in the world, (with no worries about income – ya know, the ultimate pipedream), where would you and Melen really like to live?

I want to live in Ireland.  Or the perfect Ireland replica with my own laws.  That would be cool.

M… M says He wants to live on the Lost island minus the time jumps and smoke monsters.  O.o

Dweaver asked:

• What’s your most/least favorite pain toy when it’s used on you?

My most and least favorite are the same thing.  The Delrin Cane.  I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me, but there it is.

• Have you ever done electric play of any kind? If so, what did you think about it? If not, do you want to at some point?

If, by electric play, you mean standing in a puddle whilst unplugging a refrigerator that’s spewing coolant and having “lightning” shoot from the corner of your eye to the back of said fridge, then yes.  I’ve done electric play.  If not, then I guess the answer must be no.  ~ducks~

I’m kinda intrigued and a little scared at the same time.  I mean, that shock I got? While it didn’t really hurt, per se, it was rather weird feeling.  That feeling intentionally? I’m not sure.  The jury’s still out.

• What celeb do you fantasize the most about Melen lending you to, and how does he or she use you in your thoughts?

I dunno.  That’s a serious toss up.  I mean, on the one hand, Greg Grunberg is that “every day Joe” kind of beautiful and I would just die for him to even notice me, much less borrow me from M.  On the other hand, Christian Bale is Ken doll beautiful in that “American Psycho” kinda way (I guess that makes sense since he starred in that movie.) and just picturing his face makes me wet my panties.

And then there’s Kevin Smith.  Ahhh… Kevin Smith.

I’m such a weirdo.  Aren’t girls supposed to be creaming their panties over, like… Tom Cruise or something?

Anyway… I’m not very creative in the use.  Usually I play the trophy girl for a little while, and then I have my face ground into what I really am: a fuck toy.  And boys can do whatever they want with their fuck toys.  Can you imagine what those boys would want to do with theirs? Mmm….

Because I can’t think of anything to blog about today besides the post I made on Mindcryme, I stole this from Kaya, who stole it from Subtle.  I haven’t read anyone’s answers because I didn’t want mine to be swayed.  Yeah… I’m that lame.

1. Your role?

Slave

2. Current relationship?

I’m married to my owner.

3. Your favourite type of play?

When He doesn’t let my screams deter Him.  The satisfaction from a scene like that is indescribable.

4. Your most hated type of play?

When He coaxes me into believing that He’s going to be nice to me, then turns on me.  That sends me into a tailspin for a while.  But He always brings me back to Him.

5. The most annoying habit of your owner/slave/whatever you call your SO?

Working.  He is, without a doubt, a work-a-holic.  He’ll tell you He’s just responsible.  But it goes so far beyond just being responsible…

I love Him for it.  It keeps a roof over my head, and food in my belly, while I sit here behind a computer and hack at fulfilling my dream of being a writer.  But I wish He’d give Himself a break.  He deserves it.

6. Your deepest fear?

Dying.

Which is bizarre because I used to long for death like you wouldn’t believe.  If I wasn’t trying to commit suicide, I was begging God (At the time, I was still Christian.  Most junkies are.) to take my life, and then cursing Him each morning when I woke.

I would lay in bed for hours willing myself to stop breathing and concentrating on slowing my heart.  I’d take baths just so I could sink under the water and try to drown myself.  I’d walk the streets in the worst neighborhoods alone hoping someone would see the open invitation to take my life.

But now? Now, I see how much life has to offer.  And I’m petrified of losing mine before I’m ready.  Read more…

Yes, they gave me posting privileges here, there goes the neighbourhood

I guess I should follow my kitti and do the whole introduction thing. Be prepared, I’m not a talking blogging entity so tend to both waffle and jump around subjects

Yeah, me, pushing 40, English, one time transatlantic commuter, all round bad guy.

Pushing 40? Yes that makes me pretty much old enough to be her father, and I don’t care. If anything I think that actually enhances the distance I want between us. Yes, distance is the aim rather than closeness.

Some of the basics have already been covered in her introduction and a couple of my comments on it. I will save you all the boredom of my life history for now, suffice to say its quite un-average, and certainly not for the faint hearted. Yes its made me jaded and cynical, but also quite thankful too for some things.

I’m poly, as well as kitti there are two other girls in my life, but they are going to be mainly left out of this, there are many blogs about service types, and more than a few about the daddy/girl relationship such as I have with my primary. I’m going to concentrate here on the kitti relationship as its one that’s more unusual, more likely to attract discussion. I will likely as often as not post other random rants too, until my gracious hosts come to their senses and kick me out I’m also partly of the mind that not much gets said from this side of the fence, lots of slavey blogs that try to explain what the one in charge might be thinking or doing, so here is a chance for you to get some straight from the horses mouth.

Now the relationship, that’s what you all want to hear about. Its very atypical, even for bdsm practitioners, it will be, and already is very one sided, affection, power, responsibility, all rest almost entirely in one of us but not the other. None of this first amongst equals or sharing stuff.

So how did this all start?  Read more…