Tuesday, April 6th, Rayne will be thirty years old.  Plautus, the playwright, said “Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.”  Rayne says, “Let us celebrate with lube and sex toys!”

You guys have stuck by us through thick and thin, through five or six other birthdays, and through the insanity that is Rayne’s mind.  The way we figure it, we don’t say thank you nearly enough.  So to celebrate her 30th birthday, and with the help of Eden Fantasys, we’re giving away sex toys!

Aren’t you excited?

Wanna see what we’re giving away?

The Goods

The Gigolo.  Oh the Gigolo! He’s by Fun Factory and he’s delicious.  Made of silicone, he’s nonporous, phthalates and latex free and squishy.  Oh is he squishy.  Eight and three-quarters inches long, with six and three-quarters insertable inches, and a five and one-half inches circumference.  A wide, flat head made for your g-spot and excellent for clitoral stimulation.  He’s all the things we love in a toy.  (Only available in white.)

We love our Sliquid H2O.  It’s water based, so we can use it with all our sex toys.  It’s also paraben, glycerin, petro-chemicals and L-Arginine free.   It’s vegan.  It doesn’t get tacky or flaky, for the most part.  It smells a little like soap, but it’s faint and it dissipates in use.   It lasts forever and reactivates easily.  It’s just an all around awesome lube.  So we’re giving away a bottle of that, as well!

Next up, we’ve got the Lucky 11 by Evolved.  I mean… It’s purple.  Everybody loves purple, right? Except Carrie.  But she doesn’t count.  Lucky 11 is nonporous, phthalates and latex free, hypoallergenic.  It’s eight inches long and one and five-eighths wide.  It’s controlled by a nifty spinning wheel at the bottom professed to be easy to control even in the slipperiest of situations, and has swirly ridges around the shaft, and… It’s purple! Did we mention that yet? Okay, so we haven’t actually tried this toy, yet, but it got five stars from kissmykitty, so it’s gotta be good, right?

Rayne is a lube addict.  As in, we have an entire gallon ziplock back filled with bottles of different kinds of lubes.  Carrie Ann swears by Better Sex Essentials Silicone Lubricant, so we decided to make it our first silicone lube.  Rayne says the jury’s still out, but Carrie Ann says this lube is a slip-sliding adventure you’re not likely to forget.  It doesn’t flake.  It’s not sticky.  And it lasts a good long time, then sort of just… absorbs into your skin.  Who could ask for more?

Rayne loves Ella, the double-ended dildo, so much, she decided she just had to share the wealth.  She’s our first ever LELO toy.  She’s seven inches tip to tip and has a circumference of four inches.  She’s made of deliciously smooth, flexible, dense food-grade silicone.  She’s hypoallergenic, phthalates and latex free, and totally nonporous, which means, after you clean her, you can share her with anyone.  And I mean, come on… She’s made by LELO!  (Color your choice.)

Plus a few other party favors Rayne picked out just for y’all.  We know… we know.  How do you win? Read more…

Ooo, what’s that?

Every time a new massage oil shows up on our doorstep, M asks me a variation of the question, “Don’t we have enough?”

My answer? Not in the least.  I’m on the hunt for “the perfect massage oil” and let me tell you… System JO’s definitely on the right track.  This is Warming Massage Glide, a personal lubricant and massage oil, by System JO.

What’d it come in?

It comes in a clear plastic recyclable bottle with a black push-top lid.  It’s four and one-half fluid ounces.  The label is red and silver and lists a lot of hefty claims.

What’s in it?

Ingredients: polydimethylsiloxane, decamethylcyclopentasiloxane, octamethylcyclotetrasiloxane, dimethylsiloxane, hydroxy-terminated, capsium (cayenne), peppermint essential oil

Polydimethylsiloxane is sometimes called “dimethicone” and is often used in shampoo, contact lenses, elastomers, medical devices, caulking, lubricating oils and heat resistant tiles.  It’s clear, shiny and slick.  And it’s an organic polymer.

Decamethylcyclopentasiloxane is odorless, colorless and non-oily.  It’s used in many personal care products to give skin a silky feel.  And it’s used in dry cleaning, in place of water, to rinse away dirt and oils.

Also an odorless, colorless, non-oily fluid, octamethylcyclotetrasiloxane is often used to make other silicones.  However, it’s also occasionally used as an additive in personal care products.

You’re just gonna have to look “hydroxy-terminated” up yourself.  I took chemistry in high school, but I’m not sure even back then I would have understood this process.  And that was… thirteen years ago.  Great googly moogly.  Something about adding low-weight molecules to cultures which “leads to an increase in the thermal stability, most likely by prolonging the condensation reaction and delaying the degradation reaction” (ACS Publications) in some compounds.  Way over my head, but that last about prolonging the condensation reaction totally makes sense.  I think.  Read more…

Did I tell you I switched shampoos? I can’t remember.

We’ve been using Suave forever.  Normal Suave, Suave Professionals and Suave Daily Clarifying.  It’s cheap.  It smells nice.  It cleans.

But it leaves my hair looking like shit.

While I must admit that Suave Daily Clarifying works better than normal Suave, and Suave Professionals (all the versions but one… I forget which one) works even better than that, my coarse, half-way-between-straight-and-wavy hair just refuses to be tamed by any and all Suave products.

So after bugging Carrie a billion times about what she used before she got all uppity and started using salon brands, I began the process of talking M into believing I needed better shampoo.  And it worked! He let me buy Pantene’s stuff for long hair.  Beautiful Lengths, maybe? Anyway…

So I’ve been using this new shampoo for twenty days.  I wash my hair every other day, so that means, what? Ten washes? I condition every time.  Did with Suave, too.  And here’s the differences I’ve noticed:

• My hair isn’t anywhere near as frizzy.
• It looks much healthier.
• It’s stronger.
• It falls out less.
• My hair is actually half-way between wavy and straight, not half-way between wavy and curly.
• It stays clean longer.
• I don’t have to use anywhere near as much product (shampoo, conditioner, or styling products) as I did when I was using Suave.
• My hair’s no where near as dry as it used to be.

I can actually wear my hair down now without worrying about how poofy and frizzy and gross it looks.  Which is probably at least part of the reason it’s breaking less.  But! That’s still a plus for Pantene, because I’m leaving it down more because it looks better, and it looks better because I’m using Pantene.

Why am I telling you this? Just in case some of my submissive readers are having a hard time convincing their owners that you get what you pay for when it comes to shampoo.  There’s no doubt in my mind that Carrie’s hair is still better than mine cause the silly snot is paying for salon brands.  But I’m on the fast track to good hair, and it’s all thanks to her, so I suppose she’s allowed to be a silly snot.    Read more…

$11.99Better sex essentials™ liquid lubricant Lubricant by Sinclair Intimacy Institute® Buy from EdenFantasys

Ooo, what’s that?

Better Sex Essentials Liquid Lubricant, by Sinclair Intimacy Institute, is a water based, glycerin free lube.  It’s hypoallergenic, non-toxic and latex compatible.  It’s recommended by experts, doesn’t stain and lasts damn near forever regardless how you use it.  And there was no animal testing in the production of this lube.

What’d it come in?

This lube comes in an eight ounce, clear recyclable plastic bottle with a flip top lid.  On the front is a green sticker, decorated with lines and circles, telling you what it is.  On the back is a clear sticker with green writing listing the lube’s claims to fame, ingredients, directions and a warning.

What’s in it?

Ingredients: Di-Water, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Peg-45, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Polyquaternium 5, Glyceryl Polymethacrylate, Propylene Glycol, Germall 11, Sodium Benzoate, Aspartame, Polysorbate 20, Aloe Vera Extract, Ginseng Extract, Guarana extract, Avena Sativa

How do you use it?

The back of the bottle tells you to apply this product “as needed” to your pink parts, reapply as desired and add a few drops of water to reactivate.

Discontinue use if irritation occurs.  Avoid contact with your eyes.  Don’t use it if the seal is broken.  And remember, this lube is not a contraceptive.

It is, however, latex friendly, so you are more than welcome to use it with a condom.  Matter of fact, please do! Especially if you’re not monogamous.

How is it?

It has kind of a weird taste.  It’s really hard to explain.  It’s a little sweet and a little soapy.  And there’s almost a burn when it hits your tongue.  Very bizarre.  It only lasts a second and doesn’t leave an aftertaste or film.  But it’s kind of… weird.

The smell is a little alcoholy.  Rubbing alcohol, not liquor or beer.  I didn’t notice it at first.  It’s really faint.  Almost not worth mentioning.  But it is there.

I love the texture and consistency.  It’s feels like liquid silk between your fingertips and natural lubrication in other areas.  I didn’t notice it getting sticky at all, but I’ve not used it in one of our extended masturbation sessions, yet.  It doesn’t flake and it’s easily washed off with soap and water.

It pretty much stays where you put it.  It works well with any toy material, really.  A little goes a long way.

The functionality of the lube is amazing.  I rarely have to reapply.  I haven’t noticed changes in my ph throwing it off at all.

It just tastes funny.  That’s no big deal for me.  I rarely use lube when I’m going to be putting my mouth on M anyway.  Most of it, I’ve found, tastes funny.  But for someone who uses lube even when they plan to go down on their partner, I’d suggest finding something that tastes better.

Where’d ya get it?

I bought Better Sex Essentials Liquid Lubricant from Eden Fantasys.  Eden Fantasys is more than just a trustworthy sex toy store who ships their products in discreet packaging (I once got my stuff in a lemonade box.  No lie.).  It’s an entire community of men and women gearing for a sex-positive society.

They’ve got Eden Link, a place for their customers to converse with the heads of the companies Eden works with.  There’s SexIs Magazine, where you can learn just about anything you want to know about sex, or even share something you know that others might not.  They’ve got a ginormous forum on which you can ask questions about toys you are interested in and get advice from some of Eden’s reviewers.  And let’s not forget Eden Cafe, where I have a weekly column about M/s relationships and Vieux has a Word of the Week.

Go check out their community.  I promise you won’t regret it.

I shy away from serious anal play for two reasons:

1. It’s embarrassing when it’s messy.
2. Shoving a giant rubber plug in a too small hole with no lube leaves said too small hole out of commission forever.

We have never owned lube.  Ever.

Sure, the occasional toy comes with a sample of Astroglide, but, more often than not, we just threw them out.  I’m twenty-nine years old! Why do I need lube?

Anal play.  Desperately need lube for anal play.  I have never owned a water-based, non-shitty lube before.  No, really.

So after I tried Sliquid Splash, I asked M if I could purchase Sliquid H2O.

It’s slick and long lasting.  Paraben and glycerine free.  And washes off with no trouble.

Check out my full review over at Eden Fantasys.