So I’ve got lots of stuff waiting to be reviewed.  Which, naturally, means I’m bleeding like a stuck pig.

Master’s taking pictures of the snow squall outside through the window.  Weirdo.

Anyway! New toys!

Well… and porn.  XCritic was gracious enough to accept me into their review program and I have, sitting before me, four brand spanking new titles to add to our tiny porn collection.

I’m most excited to announce that I just received my first DVD with April Flores in it, and I can’t wait to watch it.  It’s Nostalgia, and it’s directed by Courtney Trouble.  If you remember, I recently reviewed Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out! While it’s certainly not my favorite, I believe in second chances.  And I love April Flores.  In stills, anyway.  I’ve yet to actually see her in action.  I know!

Next we have Fuckin Around in Fort Lauderdale #2 directed by Juan Cuba and featuring Gracie Glam.  Who is a hot little number, let me tell you.

We decided to give The Fetish Mansion by Penthouse a shot.  I’m kind of looking forward to that one as well.  It’s got a couple scenes in it that I will not, even while watching, admit to being intrigued in because I know the second I mention it, M will order me to get the gear.  Hmm… I might have said too much already.

The last one… Well, we’ll see how it goes.  It’s called Jewell Marceau’s Bound Latex Lovers and there’s a bit of S&M play, it looks like.  The cover shows three women in red, off-white and blue latex catsuits with zippers on their girl parts.  It doesn’t look like their clothes come off completely at all.  But there’s strap-on play and I’ve been really digging that lately.  I can’t find a link to it anywhere, so I guess you’ll just have to wait till I do.

From The Adult Toy Shoppe, I received the G-Rock Pleasurizer by California Exotics, which looks kind of neat.

Babeland sent me Cloud 9, also from California Exotics.

Eden Fantasys sent me Better Than Chocolate by Nomi Tang.

And California Exotics sent me Ecstasy from the Petite Couture Collection.  And I can’t even link you to it cause it’s not in stores yet! But that picture up there is what it looks like.  I can’t wait to try it!

I think that’s it for now.

No, I lied.  I just got this Tongue Vibe and Rabbit from Adam and Eve.  Did I say that already? Oh well, I said it again.

You might have noticed, and you might not.  To make it easier on the readers who aren’t interested in reviews, I’ve started posting them on Friday.  So iffn you don’t really care whether or not I enjoyed fucking the latest thing I was sent, don’t bother coming around on Friday.  Okay? Okay.

<3

P.S.  SexToy.com has the Ecstasy.  And I’ve got two more toys on their way to me from TabuToys.com.  I’ve wanted the Snugglepuss by Vibratex since Cin reviewed it.  And I’ve never owned a pocket rocket like this one from Athena. before.

Ooo, what’s that?

That? That’s my first queer porn.  My first gonzo.  And a lot of firsts for the people on screen, as well! It’s Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming out! produced by Reel Queer Productions and directed by Courtney Trouble.

Who’s in it?

Well, obviously Courtney Trouble.  Then you’ve got Sophia, Tina Horn, Sarah Lee Sinful, Joline, Jae and Puck Goodfellow.

What? Don’t recognize some of those names? That’s because a couple have never been in porn and a couple more have never been in queer porn.

What’s the description say?

From the back:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first-ever gonzo queer film.  Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites seven diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off.  Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene.  With honest video confessions, 9 sex scenes, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

So? What’d they do?

It opens with Spin the Bottle which spurs a lot of making out.  Next Sarah Lee Sinful gives Tina Horn a lap dance.  There’s a bit of pussy slapping and finger fucking.  Tina spits on Sarah’s pussy.  A lot.  Sarah was visibly nervous, but beyond that, she seemed to be genuinely enjoying it.

Another make out scene.  Pretty much a huge free for all.

Next, Jae and Joline with a lot of finger banging and a toy I couldn’t see.

There’s a short clip of a few of them outside smoking and talking about the next scene.  And Puck shows us this wicked cool claw foot bathtub ashtray that says something like “Cool your butts in our tub” or whatever.  And then Carson and Puck strap on a couple strap-ons and Carson brings out the crop.  Eventually Tina joins in and blow jobs are had by all.

We have a short clip of Sophia being taught how to put a dildo into a strap-on harness.  And then Sophia and Tina have their own strap-on scene.  Gigi makes an appearance and Sophia demonstrates just how wonderful she really is by using her to cum on camera.  The condom was a nice touch.

The next clip is Tina telling us how much she enjoyed working on this film, and then we move into Carson and Joline in the bathroom, where Iris peeked her head in… to Joline’s pussy.  Ba-dum-bum

We have five or six more scenes, each a little different.  They bring out a flogger and there’s a strap-on orgy and a game of Truth or Dare.  Puck feeds Sophia strawberries and they proceed to make out on the floor.  Jae blacks Puck’s boots while Puck and Joline make out.  And the film ends with everyone crashing on the floor together in various states of dress and undress.

And? What’d you think?  Read more…

So I was pretty convinced the picture-taking wasn’t going to happen.  It’s hard relinquishing our “hang out and relax” time to performing.  In front of or behind the camera.  But relinquish it we did.  And pictures were taken.  Pictures I don’t ever want anyone to see.  Well… except one or two.

I suck at the whole model-face thing.  And I’d just sit and look normal except my “sit and look normal” face looks like “uber bitch” to everyone else.  So I’m gonna have to start practicing facial expressions in the mirror or something.  Seriously.

Master wasn’t watching my face.  He was watching my pussy.  Through the lens of His camera.  As I thrusted my BOB in and out over and over.

He kept telling me what to do.  “Okay now play with your clit.”  “Fuck yourself some more.”  “Hold it open so I can beat it.”  *screeching halt* What?

I tried.  I swear to god, I tried (Yes, I see the irony in me swearing to something I don’t believe in).  Can I just say that shit fucking hurts?  Especially when He’s hitting as hard as He can there first.  But He really was trying to rip my pussy lips off with the flogger to find a happy medium.  Somewhere between gruesome torture the way He likes to hit and feather like caresses how much my pussy can handle right off the bat.  Apparently I’m more of a warm-up girl than I realized. Read more…

Master fucked all three holes in twenty-four hours.

I hear ya.  I hear ya.

What’s so unusual about that?

Well, ya see…  It is very unusual for Master to fuck all three holes in twenty-four hours.  Matter of fact, if He fucks my mouth and pussy in the same day it’s odd.  He’s the type that decides on a hole and sticks with it for that day.  Or maybe for a week.  There were a couple months where I was lucky if He was in anything but my mouth.  No lie.

I’m not sure that He does it consciously.  Matter of fact, He probably doesn’t even realize He does it.  Well, until He reads this, that is.

But you see…  This is what happened.

We’re watching South Park, okay?  And we’re both a little intoxicated.  Okay, we’re both a lot intoxicated.  And I really don’t remember what prompted it but He said something about “Why don’t you touch your cunt, Cunt?” or something and I thought I was in for a night of serious hurting.  I was totally ready for a night of serious hurting.

I got my night of serious hurting… just not the way I expected to.

Apparently, just gathering the clamps I could find was enough to give Master an unbearable hard-on.  Cause I’d only clamped my nipples once and my clit twice before He said, “I think you should get on your hands and knees in front of me.”  I hadn’t even brought the paddle or cane out.  Just the slut-paddle.  And I brought that out with the intention of beating my pussy. Read more…