You know, it’s funny.  Our relationship quite often cycles the way an abusive relationship is said to.  If someone who didn’t know us were on the outside looking in, only seeing things from a third person limited perspective, not being able to read M’s mind or know what He’s thinking without asking Him directly, it could come off as an abusive relationship.

M knew how I was feeling.  I’d told Him a couple of times over the course of a few days.

And He likes playing mind games.  Read more…

This morning, M made the sweetest love to me.  It’s very, very rare that our sexcapades can be called love-making.  The vast majority of the time, it’s something much more primal.  Raw, and rough, and rugged.  Like a beast claiming his mate in the forest.

Not this morning.

This morning, He curled up beside me and pulled my back tight up against His chest.  He lovingly traced every bump and curve with His fingertips and pressed tiny kisses to my shoulders and neck and back.  He held me tight in His arms, squeezing ever tighter, pulling closer, as if He were trying to crawl inside my skin.  Read more…

Dweaver999 talks about the correlation between sex and kink.

A question that I’ve seen come up on blogs and forums before is just what is the relationship, if any, between sex and kink.  This question is of particular interest to me for reasons I’ll try to make clear.  To help show what I mean, I need to explain my personal history with kink, or BDSM.

The first time I encountered BDSM was in a true crime magazine.  I was 13 and delivering newspapers.  My route took me by the local newsstand and they had these magazines with scantily clad women on the front and blaring headlines about kidnappings, rapes and other crimes against women.  I found them fascinating, but you could hardly call it sexually arousing for me.

However, I shortly thereafter, had my first masturbation experience.  Needless to say, I masturbated a lot after that, though, there weren’t any fantasies involved.  At that age, a boy needs nothing, mentally to become aroused and reach orgasm.  It just took some stroking of the old cock, and wham, I was cumming.  Read more…

It’s weird, after going through the motions of cutting off all ties with someone you can no longer deal with, noticing all the little things you picked up from them.  Especially when you swore you’d never be like them.

Completely unrelated…

I’m finding myself annoyed with some of the restrictions people seem to put on reviews.  Not just their own reviews, but other people’s reviews, as well.

Disclaimer: I can’t really talk about this without it sounding like I’m pointing fingers, so I’m just gonna say it.  The opinions I discuss in this post are opinions held by me and other reviewers, not (to my knowledge) the companies I review for, and they’re not limited to Eden Fantasys reviewers.  Please believe me when I say I mean no offense to anyone.  I just don’t agree with what they’re saying.  Read more…

This is actually in response to a post made by rayne named On Productivity, Insanity and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. For everything to be in context, it might be a good idea to give her post a quick read, if you haven’t already. Part of this post is a response directed at rayne, and some are general comments.

Limits and expectations are things that should be worked out prior to a collaring. Once someone has made a commitment, in my mind that commitment should be kept.

I know with rayne and I there was a good month (and more, this after our “courting” period) where I bothered her daily to make sure she understood what she was agreeing to. This was in person, not over the net or phone, and rayne was well aware of what she was agreeing to prior to being collared.

This is a matter of trust. There are always a lot of discussions about slaves being able to trust their Masters. Dominant men (and women) don’t corner the market on crazy. There are slaves every bit as dangerous, and unbalanced, as these crazy Masters.

Read more…

So i promised a while back to write about the abuse-n-use session The Man and i had a few weekends ago. Right after i was pretty sure i was going to die a horrible death from inattention. *ahem* So, anyways…

All the stuff written after this is steamy S&M sex stuff. i will not be held responsible for sticky keyboards.

Read more…

So the other day, M says to me, “You’ve got two dresser drawers full of sex toys and you never ask me to use them.  I thought women your age were supposed to be more slutty, not less.”

…

What I wouldn’t give, sometimes, to be all, “Dude, can’t you see I’ve been going through something? Take a chill pill.  I’ll catch you up, don’t worry.”

Instead, I assured Him that I’m still a slut, and that I’m just embarrassed.

That’s no joke.  I’m seriously embarrassed to ask Him if I can fuck myself with the toys I get to fuck myself with.  o.O

Yesterday, the Lia Magic Wand, from California Exotics, showed up on my doorstep.  And while I’m usually into much girthier vibes, something about this one had me all sorts of excited.  Then I remembered all my batteries are mostly dead.  So when M mentioned maybe going out later in the day, I asked if we could pick up batteries.

“Why? You think you’re gonna fuck that today?” Read more…

I need to destress.  That’s no joke.  I don’t even know what I’m stressed about.

I spend the better part of my days staring off into space.  Or clicking the Stumble button over and over.  And over.  Without even pausing to really see what I’m looking at.  I barely take half a second to read anything before flitting away to read something else.  I never, ever read anything all the way through.  If something doesn’t grab my attention somehow, I won’t even attempt to become interested.  And it all feels like avoidance.

Avoidance? What could I possibly be avoiding? I’ll get back to you on that, cause really, I have no clue.

M and I are rarely in sync these days.  When I’m in a good mood, He’s not, and vice versa.  The same goes for sex, pain play, humiliation play, temperature, tiredness, and so on.  It’s like someone scrambled one of us.  It’s probably because my period’s coming, and the last one was ridiculously mild.  I’m not allowed mild periods, and in the rare event that I get one, I pay for them dearly.

The cool thing for Him (and not so cool thing for me… sometimes) is that I don’t have to be in the same mood as Him for Him to do what He wants.  I bet it gets tiring, though, having to drag me, kicking and screaming, to whatever place He happens to be in.

All that’s from yesterday.  Yesterday I was in a shit mood.  Today started out good, but being tired and a little hungover is steadily killing that.  And it’s only 9:40.  It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

M decided the remedy to my shit mood, yesterday, was a beating and some sex.  Works for me! Maybe my steadily declining mood will get me bent over His desk today.  That would be hot.

I’ve not been in a writing mood.  Can you tell? There are probably a million and one reasons.  Right now, we’ll just leave it at “I’m not in a writing mood.”

With three anklebiters in the house, you can imagine that sex and activities associated with such are in short supply. You would be right. What we lack in quality, we damn sure try to make up in quality, and this weekend was a fine example of such.

Friday night was great. The kids went down without a fight, i got my chores done quickly and early, He was pretty chilled out and in a fairly good mood, given that the financial straits have smoothed out considerably. i’d made a point of dressing nicely for Him over the past couple of days, as it had been years and years a week since we’d last gotten nasty. It had been nearly two weeks since i had been allowed to cum. Let’s just say i was feeling a bit hawt to trot. It was getting to the point that i was having sexual dreams, and if i didn’t get release in awake time, i was going to start waking up to sleep-orgasms. i clued Him in on all of this, teasing and being a bit playful.  And i got exactly what i was after -  hot n sweaty rough sex. Mmmmm.

We’d already done the bedtime routine, i knelt for my bedtime recitation and received the night collar. Crawled up in bed next to Him, and He tells me to start suckin’. Lol, this is foreplay in His house. So i do, and wonders of wonders, He’s pretty easy on me and doesn’t fuck my face too badly. Soon enough, He tells me to climb on top. i’ve never been fond of being on top, and it isn’t for any stupid reasons like i feel too dominant or something. i’m not dumb enough to think that i could win a fight, even if i started on top. No, it’s just plain tiring for me to be bouncing around on Him for extended amounts of time. My thighs tremble, my arms get shaky, because i don’t trust myself not to crush Him with my massive weight.

(He’s taken time to prove to me that i won’t crush Him, actually forcing me to place all my weight on Him. Still. The Man will die if i fully lay on top of Him. i consider it a workout like no other.)

Anyhow, so i climb up and He’s taking His sweet time, having me grind down on Him, do my special hip roll that makes Him go nuts, grabbing and pinching my ass, kneading my tits. i’m biting His shoulder and collarbones, breathing on His neck (that drives Him wild) and making all sorts of sounds that i know switch Him from straight hawt sex to “I will melt her body into mine” mode.

He reaches up and grabs the collar. i falter in my bouncing. The last time He had done something direct like that, i  panicked, thinking He was taking it off and releasing me. i watch Him very closely. He tightens His fist on the back of my collar, then pulls the slack tight. i immediately lock eyes with Him, even as i feel the edges of my vision start to flicker and grow dim. i can hear my heartbeat in my head, thick thuds that space farther apart. My cheeks feel so warm, my head feels like it slowly is filling with cotton. i feel myself resigning to the fact that i am going to give out, that He has stolen my breath.  Read more…