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SJP#33: Discovering Fulfillment in Service

How did you discover you could be fulfilled in service to another? How did you know to pursue it?

I’m gonna answer this backwards because the fact of the matter is I didn’t know to pursue it.  I originally thought I’d hate it.

For a long time, anything kink related was bedroom specific for me.  And done in secret.  As in, by myself with no one around.  Barrettes on my nipples and clipboard rubber bands on my tits.

Speaking of my tits, I have two burn marks on one.  I was finally able to convince M to burn me with a cigar.  Just… yumm!

Kink related… bedroom specific…

SO! I found out about [[BDSM]] by watching Exit to Eden with my mom.  I watched the people walking around being all sensual and erotic and I thought “Holy shit! That’s for me! Where do I find these people?” But it never occurred to me that people would live like that all the time.  Matter of fact, the very notion that anyone would spend their year in a place like Eden was just mind-blowing for my fifteen year old brain.

I found out I was a masochist long before that.  Almost from the minute I realized it felt nice to have my pussy touched, I was trying to figure out what else felt nice.  For some bizarre reason, I decided to put barrettes on my nipples.  And it felt hella good.

Over the span of my early sexcapades, I found myself trying to get my partners to tell me what to do.  During sex.  No where else.  If they tried to boss me around outside the bedroom, they found themselves in a whole heap of hurt.

And then I met this guy.  And He was really into this whole BDSM thing.  And I had no idea how much just by listening to His ex tell it.  I had no idea how much until I turned to Him and said, “What do you want me to be?” and He said, “My slave.  Forever.”

After a while, I realized that was what I wanted, too.  I liked letting Him control things and make decisions.  I enjoyed serving Him and making Him happy.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

prompt found at SubmissiveGuide

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  1. August 5th, 2009 at 22:18 | #1

    Rayne,

    I’ve had epiphanies like that myself; you’re sure you’ll hate such and such a thing and…bam…you like it. Nothing as monumental as yours, but they’r etheir.

    Congrats on the burns.

    Dave

  2. August 8th, 2009 at 13:20 | #2

    @dweaver999
    Thanks! I was excited. 🙂

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