Product Review: Portable Pleasures Petz Platypus by Pipedream Products
I know you’re dying to know. Of all the sex toys in the world, why did I choose a platypus? Well, here it is:
M’s a goofy bastard. No, really. One of the silliest things He does is make a duck face and say, “I’m a duck-billed Melenpus. Quack.” Then He’ll try to kiss me with His duck lips. A lot of squealing ensues and it’s usually all out war for about ten minutes.
It’s a sentimental thing. Plus, how can you say no to those heart-shaped eyes?
The Portable Pleasures Petz Platypus came with a clear blue, platypus-shaped jelly sleeve, a separate waterproof plastic bullet, strawberry flavored lube and toy cleaner. It’s packaged in a handled plastic box sporting all four of the Petz on bright pink cardboard.
I figure I can carry it with me to the beach in its little box and people will think it’s a toy for my kid. Course, they’ll be wondering where my kid is.
First things first, I tasted the lube and rubbed it between my fingers. I don’t know if any of you ever ate those Squeeze Pop lollipops, but the lube tastes like one of those. And the consistency isn’t much different. Sticky sweet. Good for a blow job, or maybe lip gloss, but penetration? Not so much.
The toy cleaner seems to work nicely, but I’m not fond of the packaging. It’s a plastic tube with a twist off top you push back in to close and it leaks. Not so much that it’s a problem just laying there. But I’d be careful to store it somewhere the lid won’t be knocked out and it won’t get squished.
And speaking of cleaning, the toy cleaner this comes with is perfect for washing this toy down. Or you can use a little liquid antibacterial soap and water. No bleach/water solution or silicone lube for this guy, though. Sorry toy sharers.
M loaded the batteries into the bullet and turned the dial. “You can see it spin!” He exclaimed as the bullet leaped to life. Sure enough, the shaft of the bullet is clear blue plastic and you can see how it works inside.
Without the jelly sleeve, the bullet is quieter than the WWV and Old Faithful. While, oddly enough, it’s a little louder inside the sleeve, I still found it to be quieter than the other two.
It’s tiny. About 2 1/2″ long. A lot smaller than I was expecting it to be. I don’t always carry a bag, but I could slide the bullet in my pocket and none would be the wiser. The sleeve I’d wear on my finger and pretend it’s a finger puppet. I’m just odd enough to pull it off.
The toy is the perfect size to tease both the clit and the opening of your vagina simultaneously. Obviously, it’s not much good for penetration, being so small, but the vibrator teasing along the inner labia is divine.
I’m learning, more and more, that I am just not suited to start on high when it comes to adult toys. But I ended up there with the platypus. And if I’d have had time and the inclination, the first time I tried it, I have no doubt that it would have been my first ever set of one-after-another orgasms. For some reason, instead of going straight into oversensitivity afterward, I was ready to cum again.
Would I recommend this toy? No. Not now, not ever. Jelly is porous and often contains chemicals that can cause chemical burns, cancer, infections. And mine melted into a puddle of goo. At the time, I was still storing all my toys in the same box, so I was super glad I stored it in a Ziploc. It would have ruined everything I owned otherwise.
Edited March 15th, 2016