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Puppy Training, Sexy Stuff and Quiet Guidance

August 22nd, 2009

There’s something very different about this round of training.  I feel Him watching me.  Waiting.  Wanting to see which way I’ll go.  Letting me lead so long as I stay on the path.  And that’s just fucking bizarre.

When we play, He often watches me while I do horrible, mean things to myself.  I beg to be beaten, and He indulges, but it’s rare that He initiates the whipping.  And His guidance is quiet.  Controlled.  Firm.

The other day we were… I don’t want to say arguing, because we weren’t really, but we were having a heated discussion at least.  I don’t remember what about.  Maybe it was the day I inadvertently called Him a Nazi.  I don’t remember.  But He said, “And you’re in training.”  And I sort of blinked at Him.

I am? Since when? I mean, I know we said I was going to be.  But where? Where is it?

So I started going over the days in my mind.  He’s not training me.  I haven’t been punished once.

But as I thought about it, I realized He has.  He’s just being less Ramboish about it.  Instead of plunging headlong into the unknown, guns blazing, He’s sort of plodding along, slowly and steadily, the reins loose in His hands, adjusting my direction with a gentle tug here and there.

This search for my intimacy and sensuality thing was my idea.  And He is content to sit back and see where it takes us.  I may be a slave, and I may be owned, but being so closed off has begun to hurt.  I don’t want it anymore.  I want to be close to someone.  To feel close to someone.  To feel close to Him.

So our Treasure Trove Gift Tin came in yesterday.  I thought it was a kickass end to a hella stressful day.

Master had a huge meeting in the afternoon.  And being the worrywarts we are, we panicked all day about it.  It went fine, as it always does.  But we were completely wiped by the time He got home.

Our neighbor took me to pick Him up from work and I carried the box with me.  He came out to the car and His eyes lit up.  I didn’t realize He was as excited about my little experiment as I was.

When we got home, we pulled out the Patron, curled up on the couch and watched Lost all night.  And somewhere in the middle, I reached for the Oil of Love.  I pulled the cork from the bottle with my teeth and grinned as I remembered that was my favorite way to open bottles in Gorean serves.  And then I poured a tiny bit in my hand and began massaging Master’s knees.

His knees are always bothering Him.  Always.  A combination of the extra weight and the accident He had when He worked for Sam’s Club.  And I don’t massage them nearly enough.  So I decided to do it last night.

I forgot about the warming sensation.  And it didn’t occur to me at first because it didn’t warm my hands.  But it warmed his knees.  And He loved it.

I’ll be doing a review on the kit as soon as I try the other products.  But I just had to talk about how amazing the oil made Master’s constantly pained knees feel.

Before we went to bed, He told me to suck His cock.  There was lots of hair pulling and face fucking.  And then He told me to kneel up.  And while I knelt there, He made me beg like a dog for His cum on my face.  The entire time He came, I whimpered and whined for His cum like a puppy begging for a treat.

His treatment of me has become more and more animalistic as I’ve become more and more animalistic.  He puts me on the floor a lot.  He chains me up often.  He makes me beg like a puppy.  We’ve played fetch and He’s made me crawl around on the floor just for His amusement.

Last night, I asked Him if it was possible to brainwash someone who knows you’re doing it.  He said He thinks so.  I hope so.  Because I always catch it when He’s trying to manipulate me.  I see it for what it is.

Well… Probably not always.

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