Cin Started It! – Mental Health
Just a forewarning, I’m done tiptoeing around this topic. I’m letting it all hang out. And I’m not even gonna apologize if I offend anyone! I know… I’m a rebel!
My first thought when I read Cin’s post on mental health was “Wait… You’re cheating on me?”And then she explained that I’m a moron for thinking for a second that she’d cheat on me and I felt about an inch tall.
Then I started thinking about all the things wrong with the way mental health issues are perceived. Especially in the online “BDSM community”.
First, it’s not just us kinksters blaming all our woes on our mental issues. M’s vanilla daughter (who’s over 18 so I can hate on her all I want) nonstop blames all the fucked up shit she does (and she does some pretty fucked up shit) on her mental illnesses (that we’re not 100% sure she has cause we’ve spoken to her therapists who aren’t 100% sure she’s not faking it for attention). And she’s not, by any means, the only one.
But we, as a country and as a society, foster this behavior. We find out someone’s been wronged in some way and we immediately start in with the “Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Is there anything I can do for you?”s and the “She can’t help it. X, Y and Z happened to her!”s and the “You should be nice to him. He had to deal with blahzayblah growing up.”s. It’s become cool and hip to have a mental illness or be a victim. And it certainly wins a person more attention and, occasionally, lots of dough.
Let’s back up a bit, shall we?
When I talk about my mental illnesses, I’m often making fun of them. Usually, I call my vast array of diagnoses “diagnonsense”. You’ll occasionally hear me call therapy “they-rape-me” and a therapist “the rapist”. I don’t hold the mental health profession in the highest regard because I’m walking, talking proof that they seriously don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
Some of the diagnoses I’ve been given – not in any specific order or from any one specific psychiatrist – are as follows:
- Chronic clinical depression with a side of ADHD
- Bipolar disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
- Severe anxiety disorder
- Severe social anxiety
- Agoraphobia (What?)
- Self-loathing (Apparently, that’s a diagnosis, now. Medicate-able, even.)
- Dissociative disorder (I’m not really sure where they got that one.)
- Hypochondria (M believes this one wholeheartedly. Lol.)
- Severe paranoia (This one’s real. The difference between me and most with this issue is, I can usually tell the difference between my paranoia and reality.)
- “Psychosis” (Whatever that means.)
- “Situational” anorexia nervosa (We just make them up as we go along, don’t ya know)
There’s more. Things to do with rage and such. But you get the idea.
I don’t doubt at least some of it’s true. Not in the least. I am one fucked up individual. I used to think I was just weird, but there seriously is a line drawn in the sand. On the one side, you’re normal. On the other, you’re a certifiable nut job. And depending on where society has drawn the line… Who am I kidding? I always fall on the nut job side. But I’m not entirely convinced I have more than one or two of these disorders.
I mean… Bipolar disorder? Everyone has mood swings. Are mine extreme enough to be considered bipolar disorder? Sometimes but not always.
Chronic clinical depression? Probably not so much anymore, but that’s considered treatable and, occasionally, curable. So that makes sense.
ADD? I so do not have… Look! The garbage man’s here, finally! ~ducks~
Borderline personality disorder. That’s a toughy. Because, loosely translated, borderline personality, in shrink speak, means “attention whore drama queen”.
I am, without a doubt, an attention whore with a flair for the dramatic. But not necessarily in the negative sense. I don’t always go out of my way to make people drop whatever they’re doing and pay attention to me. Not intentionally, anyway. But I do so love to be touched and hugged and talked to and such. And I will gladly give you my best rendition of Taming of the Shrew when I don’t mean to.
Which, ya know, maybe these bitches claiming they have bipolar disorder and don’t have borderline personality disorder instead. That would totally make sense. Attention whore drama queen, remember?
Basically, what it all boils down to with me is, there’s something wrong with me, but they can’t figure out what it is. Which probably means there’s actually nothing wrong with me besides the fact that I am completely and utterly bizarre. So, naturally, they have to stuff me in this box with a label so they feel better about me mingling with the “normal” people.
So let’s see. We’ve covered me, the people who claim to have disorders but don’t, the people who foster this claiming of nonexistent disorders…
I’ve been talking about my frustration with certain groups I belong to for ages. But I’ve completely avoided one of the main reasons I’m frustrated with one of them.
Not too long ago, a thread saying pretty close to what Cinnamon said in her post went up in a group I haven’t been part of all that long. And someone who mods in a group I have belonged to for a while took it a step further by saying people who have mental illness issues a) should always be medicated and b) shouldn’t be involved in an M/s relationship because they could “go crazy” and endanger others, make shit up to get people in trouble, and on and on and on went the list of things people with mental illness may or may not do in the course of a relationship.
But ya know, you might as well be saying a person with mental illness should never be in a relationship at all. That they shouldn’t be allowed to mingle with the general public. Because they could do the *exact same thing* in a vanilla setting.
And what’s more, not all people with mental illness are liars. Not all people with mental illness suddenly “go crazy”. Not all people who are diagnosed with bipolar disorder get so out of control, on or off meds, that those around them are in danger.
Which brings me to: Mental illness has such a stigma these days that if you tell someone you have any mental illness, they automatically assume you barbecue babies. I keep telling you people, I’ve only had Buffalo style.