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On My Experience With Sex Toys

Vibrators_general_001I wasn’t a huge sex toy connoisseur before delving into reviewing toys.  I had one ribbed jelly traditional vibe (Old Faithful) that still worked and a piece of shit traditional plastic vibe that was more for pinpoint clit stimulation than anything else and broke rather quickly.

We’d bought a really cheap wireless butterfly whose bullet was about the size of my index toe (so, small), ran on watch batteries and only had one speed that you had to turn on with a button that was inside its jelly sleeve.  It sucked.  I sucked at using it.  Had all sorts of trouble getting it positioned right, so most of the time it only massaged my outer labia.  I think we’d used it twice before we decided it would be a good idea to store it hanging on the wall by the leg harness and the weight of the bullet ripped the jelly.  Another one for the circular file.

I didn’t really get the concept of bullets or eggs or other discreet clit stimulators.  My fingers work fine for that, so I thought.  

I had never owned a dildo.  In fact, never saw the point.  Thought for certain I would hate them.  I mean, they don’t even vibrate! And I still have yet to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation.  Though not for lack of trying, that’s for sure.  And, I mean, if I want a sex toy to stuff in my cunt that doesn’t vibrate, feels really good and probably won’t get me off anyway (I almost never orgasm during sex.), why not just fuck a real dick? They’re free!

And after my experience with the hard plastic rabbit cock ring, I was petrified of anything even remotely animal shaped.

The condoms marked “Ribbed for Her Pleasure” gave me the idea that ribs were yummy.  So when Master took me to buy a vibrator, I picked out Old Faithful.  I’d heard nubs were yummy and planned on grabbing Old Faithful’s nubby twin on our next sex toy buying excursion, but never got around to it.

We’ve owned three butt plugs, though! Lol.  And can I just say, I hate the Zing almost as much as I hated the clear jelly one (which I’ve since thrown out)? Whoever thought it would be a good idea to put ribs on a butt plug is out of their damn fool mind.  I mean, no offense to those of you who like ribbed butt plugs.  I just…don’t.

I didn’t have the first clue about materials.  My friend never talked about that when selling her toys.  I liked the softness of jelly and had no idea it could be dangerous.  I was petrified of anything hard, due in part to the hard plastic rabbit.  I had no idea that different toys had different uses.  The concept of a long, luxurious masturbation session was lost on me.  And change toys in the middle of a session? Why? Are you nuts?

Then I bothered CarrieAnn about how to get involved in reviews.  And suddenly, it was like a whole world of make-your-body-feel-good opened up to me.  Not only because of all the free sex toys.  But also because of the vast array of information that is now at my fingertips on exactly how to make my body (and Master’s) feel good.  New techniques and understanding that I never had before I stuck my nose in this little community of sex toy connoisseurs.

I’m still learning to get over the embarrassment of going to town on my pussy while Master looks on.  I giggle a little, and my face flushes an adorable, little girl pink.  I consider begging out of it occasionally (After asking for it.  Yes, I am a jackass.  What?), but my dripping cunt always wins in the end.

And I don’t get to play with my toys if He’s not in a position to watch.  Either on webcam from work or somewhere in the house.  But He’s been known to stop what He’s doing, spin His chair around and watch while I get myself off, then turn back to His computer and go back to His conference calls and emergencies as if nothing happened.  Till He’s ready for His turn and positions me between His legs, that is.

I’ve sucked Him to a low, slow orgasm through more than one conference call in our seven years.  We <3 mute buttons.

Seven years.  Wow.  I almost can’t believe that in four days we will have been married seven years.  I haven’t had a relationship last seven months before.  Let alone seven years! Must be the sex toys. ~nods~

Now, while I’m pretty quiet in the community (mostly cause I’m shy), I do do a lot of reading.  I’ve learned the differences in materials and I’m slowly learning what works for me and what doesn’t.  And Master’s learning, too, from watching me play with my pussy, how I like it and what gets me off.  I mean, not that He didn’t do a fantabulous job before; He did.  But learning new things is always good.  Especially when it comes to pleasing your partner.

And He’s getting a kick out of my sex toy dreams.  Last night I had one about sneaking the Big Stuff into my cunt while He was at work.  He came home early and caught me and that’s when I woke up.

When I told Him about it this morning, He said He’d lube it up and stuff it in my ass if I ever did that.  I don’t think I’ll be sneaking the Big Stuff any time soon.  Or…you know…EVER!

I always thought I knew everything there was to know about getting myself off.  I thought, “No way sex toys can do more to my pussy than I can with my hands and M’s dick.”  But god.  Four months after I started this little quest of mine, I realize… Boy, was I wrong.

I didn’t get why there were so many different kinds of toys, even knowing they had different functions, until I started receiving samples of them.  I thought I could do everything the non-traditional toys claimed to do with a single traditional vibe.  I was convinced pulsation variables would annoy me.  I thought lube was just for anal sex and old women, and that spit worked just as well.

That wasn’t porn’s influence.  That was Master influence.  I don’t know where He picked it up from.  Maybe it was just that He liked causing pain on penetration.  He is, after all, a sexual sadist.

Now? Now, I can’t imagine our sex life without them.  If our sex life was spectacular before sex toys, it is positively ecstatic, now.

I’ve got bullets and traditional vibes and dildos and buttplugs.  Rabbit vibes and novelty vibes and g-spot vibes and clit stimulators.  My toys are glass and stainless steel and plastic and jelly and silicone and rubber and… I own three different water based lubes and two different toy cleaners and I’ve got my eye on at least two silicone lubes and another water based one.  And the bottles are all still mostly full!

I’m addicted to massage candles and oils.  I’m head over heels in love with Intimate Organics and Sliquid.  I haven’t really settled on a favorite toy company, and I’m not sure I will.  They’re all too different, really, and cater to different markets.  So my scattered brain can’t make that comparison.

I still haven’t quite figured out the difference in vibrations (deep or pinpoint or whatever).  They all feel about the same to me.  And I’m not particularly fond of the new battery bill or the extra garbage.  But it’s worth it to have the toy working at its potential rather than just below it, as they tend to do with rechargeables.

But you know what? I still prefer a warm, hard dick to a piece of silicone or glass.  Even with temperature play, nothing can compare.

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  1. December 11th, 2009 at 15:26 | #1

    I kinda know how you feel. I just own one traditional vibe and a rabbit, and that’s it. Until I started doing reviews and reading about how other people absolutely adored other toys, I just figured adding more to my collection would just add more clutter. I’m kinda excited to get into learning about some of the sex toys on the market.

  2. December 11th, 2009 at 19:19 | #2

    I owned my BDSM, and a few vibes…the whole dildo thing was totally lost on my, and still kind of can be at times. Oh and I am SO with you on no bumps and shit on the plugs…good grief.

  3. December 11th, 2009 at 20:35 | #3

    @Kayla I just figured adding more to my collection would just add more clutter. That’s about the extent of it.

    @Alley Oh and I am SO with you on no bumps and shit on the plugs Pun optional? 😛

  4. January 17th, 2011 at 23:57 | #4

    Okay, at first I was going to comment on the great progression that sex toy reviewers usually have when coming into the community from shitty unsafe jelly toys to the luxe body safe awesomeness.

    THEN I saw MistressKay’s comment and couldn’t stop smiling! She’s got one of the largest collections that I know of and to see that just barely over a year ago she was saying that.. so amazing!

  5. January 18th, 2011 at 07:04 | #5

    @TitsMcScandal Lol. I know, right?

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