The myth of consent
This could well turn out to be a long post, but please, stick with me to the bitter end, and then leave a calling card, a comment of your thoughts. Lets make one thing completely clear, this is not a fantasy, some work of fiction. To mimic hollywood events actually happened, any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely intentional. See previous post for her viewpoint.
Now I have hung around BDSM forums on and off for a few years now, and one topic that keeps cropping up in a few variations are red flags, new relationship safety, manipulation, domestic abuse and predators. They all follow the same basic formula, and every once in a while I jump in and point out what should be fucking obvious.
I am a predator, consent is not even a formality.
Now every so often this will elicit some responses along the lines of “Im a sub I want a predator type”. Then I generally quit the topic, however now here comes the truth, predators ain’t fun people, and yes that means me. However I’m a lucky predator, a great girl chose to hand her life over to me. Or did she? Now when I am doing my “I am a predator” speech as it relates to the whole new relationship and safecall waltz I point out the obvious that is so easily overlooked. As a predator I have certain things I do, first and foremost is make my prey feel safe, that they have the upper hand. This is what many people do, they put on a little facade, try to appear to be exactly what the person they are courting desires, both sides exhibit some predatory behaviour to snag the person they want. They manipulate, they depress the negative sides to them, accentuate the positives.
So lets examine the courting process as it relates to my kitti and that myth of consent. The methods I use are pretty much the same as those used in “normal” domestic abuse situations and by predators of all types the world over. Oh yes, both of those require lots of consent. Even to steal a phrase latched onto by the UK BDSM community, informed consent. It takes two to tango, likewise an abuser without a “victim” or predator without prey is nothing at all. I normally explain in forums that as there is consent in both abusive and bdsm relationships that the difference is one of trust, and perhaps communication. I have explained to kitti that even trust and communication have little place in our relationship. She can trust me to do as I please regardless of herself, and whilst she must tell me everything I wish to know or should know, I shall tell her as little or as much as suits my aims.
So Kitti and I first briefly bumped into each other on Fetlife, we bookmarked each other and kept an eye on what each other wrote, so she had every reason to be aware of how I operate, the kind of person I can be. Not just from the predatory dating techniques but topics including manipulation, brainwashing, psychological and emotional abuse as well as the run of the mill physical cruelty stuff. No excuses on her part, she had seen enough from me to know I am not your run of the mill type that loiters on bdsm forums. Whilst we gently and silently cyber-stalked each other she was in a relationship of sorts, then out of the blue, a simple hello on my “wall”, a couple of messages on my wall, a comment on something I wrote, and a rather speedy admission that she considered herself as single again, if not actually available.
Lets get this part clear, all through the exchange of messages I was reinforcing that I am greedy, selfish, manipulative and pretty damn good at toying with minds and thought processes. So what we end up with is a girl on the bounce from a failed relationship, being warned about what kind of person I am, but who still replies with messages that start “sorry for the delay” or “I like feeling that I have to respond promptly”. Talk about an easy hunt! Read more…