Lane Bryant makes puppies and kittens cry.
Okay, probably not, but I got your attention, huh?
I never got a new outfit for the holiday party.
Master took me shopping. I’d given myself a stern talking to, and promised myself that I wouldn’t let what I knew to be true affect my confidence. I look good. I know I look good. It’s not my fault the fat girl stores prefer to keep up with fashion, or the “perfect fat” girls, as Lilly put it, and not what’s flattering on a woman shaped as I am. And while it is partially my fault I’m the size that I am, it’s definitely not my fault I’m not “the perfect fat”.
Truth be told, I should probably go back to learning how to sew and start making my own clothes. As it stands right now, it is next to impossible to find an entire outfit that doesn’t make me look pregnant or cling to all my rolls or flare out so enormously as to have next to no shape and make me look like I’m wearing a tent. I’m not really fond of looking like I’m wearing a tent.
Jesus, and here comes that feeling in the pit of my stomach again. A little bit of anger and a little bit of sadness. A second of wishing Master would get fired so we could go for regular walks again. Just eating healthier isn’t doing us any good with our mostly sedentary lifestyle.
I love that there are stores that cater to big women. Lord knows, there are enough stores that cater to little ones. But for the love of god, do you think you could consider, just for a second, saying, “Fuck fashion.” and designing clothes that will actually look good on us? Sexy, even!
You know where I’ve seen the best clothes for plus-sized women? Baby Phat. The very same company that has giant golden cats on all their clothes. Some of their clothes appear to be flattering on women of all shapes and sizes. I mean, some of it’s pretty disastrous, but that’s true of any designer. Some big women insist on following trends whether or not they look good on them. And some trends look good on some big women. Unfortunately, Baby Phat’s also expensive. Suck.
So… When I felt myself beginning to freak out, I suggested we scrap the new outfit idea, go check out rings, and I’d just wear what I always wear. Black pants, purple button down shirt. I tried not to get too bitchy with Master. It’s not His fault either.
So Thursday, this lady stopped beside me as I waited for the bus to meet Master. She asked me if her bus had passed and I told her it hadn’t. We chitchatted about the weather and she asked me why I was out. I told her my husband bought me a ring for Christmas and we were going to pick it up. She asked me why I didn’t wear it home and I lamented to her the fact that I wanted to wear it on my middle finger, which is a size 8 1/2, and the jewelry stores only carry 7s.
And she said something about, “Do they forget we exist? Didn’t they say we’re the majority now?”
I laughed and we got to talking about how shopping is next to impossible and it’s better to just buy jeans and sweatshirts at our size. She suggested A.J. Wright. Everyone keeps suggesting that store to me. I suppose Master and I will have to cave and head on over.
Later that day, the shuttle driver was taking us to the mall and we started talking about how it seemed to be a revolving door for stores. And the conversation naturally turned to how there aren’t any stores for big girls. Except Lane Bryant. And their selection sucks. At least in the stores near us. They’ve got some decent clothes displayed on the website. A few shirts and skirts I’d wear. Definitely some jeans.
But in the store? The selection was awful. Empire waists and long flowy shirts with no shape and… There were almost no tops on the racks that wouldn’t have made me, at the very best, just look pregnant. And the ones that would have been flattering on me were colors and patterns that I would never, in a million years, wear. I don’t mind standing out, but I’d rather it be my winning personality, and not my black, lime green, fluorescent orange and purple checked shirt, thank you very much.
When we got off the bus, Master said, and I’m paraphrasing at best, “I was going to tell you you probably shouldn’t embarrass yourself by talking about your fat in public. But then I realized you weren’t embarrassed, and you shouldn’t be, and that’s what I’ve been trying to help you learn. I’m proud of you.”
That was pretty rockin’ awesome.
I think I am going to go back to learning how to sew and make some of my own clothes. Maybe I’ll get really good and make Master rich.
What? It could happen!