Home > rayne > Different Views: M v. Me

Different Views: M v. Me

September 1st, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Or better, depending on how you look at it! ~wink~

M and I are so completely different, in various areas of our beliefs, political views, the way we see the world and people in general, that it would almost be laughable if it weren’t so horribly tragic.

His view, I mean, is horribly tragic.  ~snicker~

My great-great-grandmother died when I was… Five? Six? I can’t remember, exactly.  But we lived in Louisiana at the time, so I was still pretty little.

I was devastated.  I knew what death was.  Death had claimed my birth mother, and I never saw her again.  And now, another woman who was a key part of my early childhood years had been claimed by death.

But while she was alive, she tried very hard to teach me the decades of wisdom she had to share.  And for the first few… weeks? months? after her death, I would listen to her voice in my head whispering all those little pearls.

The clearest memory I have of her is a day when I bounded into her bedroom, and climbed up on her bed.  She gave me her last piece of Juicy Fruit gum, and asked me why I was frowning.  I don’t remember the reason I gave, but I remember her response.

She said, “Look for the silver lining, Bunny.”

When I looked confused, she said, “There’s always a silver lining.  Just because we don’t see it, at first, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”

So I sat for a moment, and thought.  And when I couldn’t come up with one, she told me what she thought.

I remember being upset.  I remember not liking her idea of a silver lining.  I don’t remember the last things we said to each other, but I know that I talked to her, at least, after that, and that if it had been on harsh terms, she would have forgiven me.  I was, after all, only a child.

My great-great-grandmother believed there was good in everything.  You just sometimes have to look closely to see it.  And she always did her best to find it.

She thought everyone deserved forgiveness, and a second chance.  And she freely gave both.

She enjoyed giving more than receiving, and didn’t mind so much if she didn’t get back what she gave.  She said some people needed more than others, and that was okay.

She said that if you believed in someone, they would rarely let you down.  That most times, all anyone needed was someone to believe in them to help them be great.  And she regularly told everyone around her how awesome they were, how much she loved them, how grateful for them she was, and how great they were going to be when they figured out their purpose in life.

I never once heard her speak a harsh word to anyone, though I suppose that could be due, in part, to her belief in keeping negativity away from children, allowing them to maintain their innocence a little longer.  In her home, when the news, or politics, or family troubles were discussed, children were asked to leave the room.  Or the adults did.

Hers was a different world.

She was in her twenties at the start of Prohibition.  She was grown, married, and had children during The Great Depression.  And through all this, she maintained her faith until her dying day.

When asked about it, she would reply, “God has a plan for us all.  We may never know what it is, but when we’ve achieved it, he’ll call us home.”  She firmly believed her god only gave his worshipers shitty circumstances to make them stronger.

While I don’t share her faith in the Christian god, or her belief in a predestined end game, I admire her tenacity, and I do share her positive outlook on the world.

I like being neighborly, and try to treat people how I’d like them to treat me.  I enjoy giving, and helping out, and being a friend.  I try to look for the silver lining in everything, and the good in even the worst person.

I believe that the human race can be so much more than it is now if it wants to be.  We just have to want to be.  And I believe there is a way to bring about this change without killing each other, or trampling the rights of the minority, or ruining anymore lives.  We just have to find it.

I think M thinks my views are naive.  I think He hears, “You gotta look for the silver lining, Bunny.” and it sounds to Him like the speaker is saying, “Ignore all the bad stuff, real or imagined.  Just pretend that doesn’t exist.” when in reality, what they’re saying is, “Deal with the bad stuff, but focus on the good, for the good is really all that matters.”

M dwells on the bad quite a lot.  Not all the time.  But enough that it’s noticeable.

Long after things have been resolved, He’s still thinking of all the reasons the problem was fucked up in the first place.  He’s still picking apart ways to fix it.  And He’s going over things He can do to prevent it from happening again.

If it hasn’t happened yet, you can be damn sure He’s considered it, and He’s putting a contingency plan into place in case He can’t get around it, but He’s concentrating on how to avoid it altogether.

He can’t help it.  It’s the OCD in Him.  And that OCD is what makes Him an amazing network/systems administrator.

He thinks humans are inherently bad.  He’s convinced the whole world’s out to get each other.  He believes most people are just looking to get something from everyone they know.  He says people like me, who believe in helping one’s neighbor, are few and far between, so you rarely get back what you give, and it’s not worth the effort.  And He thinks it will take some seriously earth-shattering catastrophe to change any of the things in the world today that He believes need changing.

He’s convinced He’s just a realist living in a world full of people who can’t accept reality.  His slave included.  He won’t even consider the notion that He might be more of a pessimist than He thinks.  And He sure as fuck doesn’t believe in any of that “mind over matter” or “positive thinking bringing about positive things” crap.  (But He’ll never give it an honest try, either.)

He’s a logical man in an illogical world expecting everything in life to come down to numbers.  Murphy’s Law is the only mysticism He believes in.  Everything else can be explained scientifically.  We just haven’t figured out how yet.

And He doesn’t see how this proves the point of the people talking about positive thinking.  Most of them would take one look at Him and say, “Jesus, dude, no wonder your luck’s so shitty.  You’re always convinced it’s going to be!”

His slave included.

To which He would happily respond, “That’s a load of bullcrap.” in His best Eric Cartman voice, without getting the irony of Him imitating a character that firmly believes in grabbing life by the balls and making it work for him, rather than just accepting what it hands him.

I find myself quite often overwhelmingly frustrated.  He’s got a million and one arguments that are all completely viable.

Just because He wants something, doesn’t mean He’s gonna get it.  Just because He tells someone they’re being an asshole, doesn’t mean they’re gonna stop.  Just because He stands up for Himself, doesn’t mean He’ll get the respect He deserves.  Just because He believes we deserve it, doesn’t mean we’ll end up healthy, wealthy and wise.

And I usually respond to that with, “You’ll never know if you never try.” But He’s so not a risk-taker.  He analyzes each situation, and if He can’t find a way around the risks, He doesn’t do it.  It’s rare that something is worth the risk to Him.

I know there’s gotta be a middle ground in there somewhere (I’m also huge on compromise.), I just haven’t a clue where it is.

And I know M would be happier with His life in general (Excluding His relationship with me… According to Him, He’s always happy with that.  Even through the rough patches.) if He could find a way to prepare for the worst but hope for the best, rather than leaving off that last part.  I just don’t know how to help Him with that.  Or if He’s even interested in it.

I guess I just don’t like to see Him stomped on.  And I feel like if He’d roar back, He’d at least get a little closer to where He wants to be.

But at the same time, I know He’s a little right, too.

Wanting something doesn’t always make it happen.  Knowing you’re right doesn’t always make people believe you.  And believing in your own way doesn’t always mean your way is right.

But you’ll never know unless you try.

Categories: rayne Tags:
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

%d bloggers like this: