Home > rayne > But… I thought… – On National Coming Out Day

But… I thought… – On National Coming Out Day

October 11th, 2010

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From the sheer numbers of congratulatory comments I’ve seen on Twitter, and the articles themselves, I’m probably, once again, making myself some enemies.  And honestly, I’m not even sure how to put this without coming across extremely offensive.  But here goes nothing.

Today’s National Coming Out Day.  I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it.  I support equal rights for gay people, and fully support a person’s right to be open about their sexuality.  Of course I do.  I’m bisexual, occasionally polyamorous, and have chosen to be a sex slave.  I love having the right to be who I am, and would give just about anything for everyone to be, at the very least, tolerant, if not accepting.  And I realize that coming out is huge for those who haven’t always been comfortable doing so.  But pretty much all of my friends are out.  I’m not sure I have many at all whose families don’t know their sexual orientation.  And I didn’t think it was necessary to begin a circle jerk of pats on the back for something we’ve already done, but others find just the consideration abhorrent, much less the actual act. 

I like to think it’s gotten easier.  But I’ve been out to my peers and friends for a long time, so I honestly couldn’t say.

This is gonna sound… intolerant.  But there’s really no way around it.

National Coming Out Day has always been about telling (I always hate when people use “admitting”.  It sounds like some dark secret, or something one must apologize for when referred to that way.) the people you know that you’re not heterosexual.  That’s what it means to come out of the closet.  To embrace your sexual persuasion, and acknowledge it to yourself and those around you.

I was reading Lilly’s post, today, about National Coming Out Day, and until I saw the tweets, I was kind of confused.  Now I’m just sort of… “Uh… what?”

While I commend anyone’s efforts to embrace who they are, I’m not sure comparing showing one’s face, and giving one’s real name on the internet to the issues so many face in being open about not being heterosexual or cisgender is the way to do it.

I hear you.  “So what you’re saying is National Coming Out Day is only for people who are less than straight? It’s not for sluts, and kinksters, and polyamorous people to stand up and say ‘I am what I am.’? It’s just for those of you who aren’t straight or cisgender?”

And well… The answer is yes.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.  By it’s very definition (which you can find in Lilly’s post, or the Wikipedia articles I linked), today is not for sluts, and kinksters, and polyamorous people to “come out”.  And yes.  I realize that since I fall under all of those categories, I’m saying that today is not in celebration of me coming out about those things.

But why draw the line? I mean, those are various types of sexuality, too!

Thing is, they’re different issues entirely.  They’re looked at completely differently.  And they all get different reactions.

I’m not saying that coming out about those things is any less of a big deal.  I’m just saying they’re different.  And hell, let’s give them their own days.  Their own time to shine.

I dunno.  Maybe I’m wrong.

Edited: I can’t believe I used “admitting” after saying how it makes me feel.  Heh.

  1. October 11th, 2010 at 14:26 | #1

    Ha, I wasn’t sure where you were going with this, and when you said you thought you’d sound intolerant, I was worried. But, nah, you’re fine. I agree with your view and I’m glad you said what you wanted to say explicitly. I like that about you. You tell it like it is. ^_^ I didn’t feel like addressing the issue of what today *is about* vs. *isn’t about* so I focused on something else entirely.

    I agree with what you said about “telling” vs. “admitting,” too. “Admitting” has a negative feel to it.

    Nice post!

  2. October 11th, 2010 at 15:33 | #2

    I haven’t read Lilly’s post yet, but I agree with you. I am all for designating a day for ‘alternative lifestyle declaration day’ but NCOD is about coming out as queer or non-cisgendered. I think it’s awesome that people feel inspired by NCOD to be more open about their lives — I certainly don’t want to get in the way of that because coming out is good for us, all of us.

    But today is about being queer and being honest and being brave and open with people who we haven’t been brave and open to before.

  3. October 11th, 2010 at 16:39 | #3

    @Rockin’ with a Cock in Thanks, on all counts. 🙂

  4. October 11th, 2010 at 21:01 | #4

    I don’t think you sound intolerant. There is a huge difference between sexual orientation and the type of sex you enjoy having. No one needs to know the things you enjoy doing in the privacy of your bedroom (or other places you are having sex), but it’s very difficult to keep your orientation to yourself and it severely limits your quality of life. It’s unfair to homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgendered people to have to hide their beloved partners from their friends and family or to have to pretend they’re something they’re not. It’s completely unnecessary for your friends and family to know that you’re a slut, you write a sex blog or that you have orgasms when you’re hit with a whip.

    It’s really disrespectful for the people who have chosen today to ‘come out’ about other areas of their lives instead of using it to write posts in support of their LBGT friends and family. Very, very well said.

  5. October 12th, 2010 at 04:02 | #5

    Rayne,

    I don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve said. One’s sexual orientation is about the nature of one’s emotional relationships while one’s kinky quotient (to coin a term) is about one’s physical activities. You can’t be, really, a complete person and hide the former from the world, but you certainly can be complete while hiding the latter. In many respects, it’s entirely inappropriate to “come out” about your kinky quotient. One should be free so say how in love you are with so and so at the dinner table with mom and dad, regardless of who they are; but one probably shouldn’t bring up that hot whipping anjd slave rape scene you had last night (you did have one, right 🙂 ), in the same venue.

    Dave

  6. October 12th, 2010 at 15:03 | #6

    You don’t sound intolerant to me. I agree with what you’ve said. 🙂

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