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30 Days of Kink: Define Your Kinky Self by Britni

Rayne’s been bugging everyone for a guest post defining their kinky selves for the writing project Thirty Days of Kink.  First up, Britni from Oh My God, That Britni’s Shameless.

From Britni’s bio: I’m Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. Also, gender, sexuality, feminism, and pop culture.

My kinky self is ever-changing and fluid. It varies with my partner, with my mood, and with what’s going on in my life. She’s always there and she’s always submissive, but sometimes she’s a greater presence in my life than others. Sexually, she’s present 100% of the time. There has to be some sort of power exchange involved in my sex, and I always have to be the one giving up that power. Even if it’s as mild as having my hands pinned above my head, I have to feel like I’m being dominated to some extent. Usually, I want slapping, choking, spitting, and being called horrible names on top of the mild restraint. 

Some partners bring out a much more submissive side of me, and that brings my submission out of the bedroom. There’s just something about certain people that makes me want to surrender control to them. When that happens, the submission spreads to other aspects of our relationship. It may be subtle, but it’s there. I may walk a few steps behind the person I’m with, even if we’re holding hands. I may default to them to make decisions. And there’s even more D/s play involved in our sex. I’ve been with one person that I submitted to 24/7. While I don’t think I’ll ever go that far again, I’m glad that I’ve done it, and I went places with my submission that I thought I’d never go. It definitely helped me understand my submissive self much better, and to understand the role that I want that self to play in my life and my relationships.

I’m not really a masochist; I’m almost purely a submissive. The mindfuck of giving complete and total control of myself to someone else is what gets me off. I’m really into degradation and humiliation, especially when it involves verbal abuse. It’s the mentality of knowing that someone else has complete control over me that really does it for me, not so much the pain itself. However, there’s an exception to that: when times are tough for me. When I’m hurting, angry, stressed, or depressed, I crave beatings. I crave pain. I think for me, pain functions much the way cutting does for people that self-injure. It’s a sort of physical release of emotional pain. And when I’m hurting, I also become much more submissive generally, especially in regards to age play. I tend to regress when I’m upset or stressed, and that translates into wanting a “Daddy” to take care of me. I become much more submissive in all aspects of my relationships when I’m depressed or stressed.

Sometimes my submission is docile and obedient. Other times it’s bratty and stubborn. But no matter how much my submission ebbs and flows and evolves, it’s something that’s always a part of who I am, and something that will always define my relationships to some extent. Hi, my name is Britni, and I’m submissive.

  1. ron B
    October 28th, 2010 at 19:40 | #1

    Have been following you for a long time and am puzzled by this post. Plse explain, thanks

  2. October 28th, 2010 at 22:08 | #2

    @ron B Were you talking to me, or Britni?

  1. October 26th, 2010 at 12:28 | #1
  2. November 16th, 2011 at 06:09 | #2

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