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30 Days of Kink: Define Your Kinky Self by Scarlet Lotus

Image By Ben Scicluna

Rayne’s asked a few of the bloggers around the web participating in the writing project Thirty Days of Kink for permission to repost their response to the question listed on Day 1. The first post is from Scarlet Lotus St. Syr at Purveyor of Pleasure.  Go here for her original post: 30 Days of Kink: Define Yourself.

From Scarlet’s bio: I’m a genderqueer fat femme drag queen fagette and pomo queer intellisexual polyamorous switch.  I have degrees in both Gender Studies and Psychology, both with an emphasis in sexuality.  I am a writer, photographer, blogger, sex toy reviewer, and a sex-positive kink, queer, and sex educator.  My spirituality comes in the form of sacred whoredom, scarlet womanhood, occultism, and magik.  I am an astrologer and a practicing occultist, dabbling in multiple disciplines including sex magik, ceremonial magik, quabalah, and golden dawn, among others.

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us. 

A lot of this blog has been my way of processing this very question. What does it mean to me and how do I define my kinky self?

For a while I’ve been calling myself a switch. I sometimes refer to myself as a “lifestyle” switch, under the definition of lifestyle as someone to whom kink is an essential part of sexuality. Since February or so Onyx and I have been operating on a mostly Owner/property or Owner/cuntpet relationship without much switching of any kind, but we are both switches and I have Topped him before.

When I first started out in BDSM I called myself a submissive, then I called myself a submissive who Tops on occasion, then I slowly made my way toward switch after much contemplation and deep thought.

As for what parts of BDSM interest me, I would say just about everything. I love restraints and all forms control (B&D), power play (D/s), and pain play (S&m). I have a wide variety of interests and kinks, though that’s the next question on the list so I won’t go into that. I enjoy pretty much everything from both sides, giving and receiving depending on my mood and the person I’m with. I don’t think there’s anything I would dish out that I wouldn’t also take.

I find I don’t miss Topping as much as I thought I might being in a mostly one-dynamic relationship. Now that I’m getting a regular dose of bottoming and submission and lovely lovely masochism I think my kink needs are mostly being satiated. I do miss it on occasion, though, and luckily Onyx doesn’t mind too much when I hit him with various implements or bite him or things like that. He’s not really that much into pain (though there was one point when he was in subspace and I caned him and he loved it) but he doesn’t mind it and he tends to return whatever I give to him, so really it’s a win-win situation.

I have also discovered that casual play is much easier for me as a Top or as a masochistic bottom. I can easily take service or give pain or take pain but submitting to someone takes another level of trust. Of course, this makes sense, but it seems easier for some people than for me. I really want to get to the point where I am able to play casually with friends either simply kink interactions or sexual ones as well.

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