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It Gets Better Project

December 3rd, 2010

From the It Gets Better Project website:

Many LGBT youth can’t picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can’t imagine a future for themselves. So let’s show them what our lives are like, let’s show them what the future may hold in store for them.

I don’t talk about this much.  Just like with everything else, I pretend it didn’t hurt, pretend it didn’t matter, and let my friends believe what they wanted, until I was actually involved with a girl, and they realized they were wrong.  The path of least resistance, because at that point, resistance was futile.

In most cases, I wouldn’t call it bullying, so much as pretty much everyone I knew being completely confused about who I am, and being offended by my claims for wholly different reasons than you usually hear about. 

“You’re just confused.”

“There are other ways to get attention.”

“You’re just saying that cause MLP came out.”

“It’s a phase you’re going through.”

“It’s what’s cool these days.  You’ll lose interest when the hype dies down.”

“You’re either gay or straight.  You can’t be both.”

“But have you ever even dated/kissed/touched/fucked a girl?”

When one of my best friends in high school (the aforementioned MLP) finally came out, and our group accepted his sexuality with open arms, and then our group, through a series of happy accidents, befriended a number of lesbians, bisexual girls and boys, and transgendered individuals, I began to feel more comfortable exploring my attraction to girls.  I wasn’t quite sure if I should tell anyone, or who I should tell.  I wasn’t even sure, yet, if it went further than enjoying a deep, lasting friendship, and occasional friends-with-benefits type situations, or if my interest went further than that because I’d never allowed myself to consider the possibility.  Girls liked boys, and boys liked girls, and that was all there was to it.  My feelings for other females just had to be because I feel more deeply than others, and I just really loved my friends.  Right?

But the first time I kissed a girl beyond more than just experimenting, or practicing kissing with my friends (Yes, some of us girls really did that.), it was obvious that I was interested in more than just occasional messing around.  And when N admitted how she felt about me, I decided to give a relationship with a girl a chance.  I was honest with her about not knowing, and she didn’t care.  And within a few weeks, it was obvious there was more than friendship between us.

I never questioned it after that, and no one else I knew did, either.

I can’t imagine how hard it must be for teens, these days, with an even bigger spotlight on LGBT than there was when I was in school.

I’m thinking about making a video, and if it’s relevant, you should, too.  Tell these kids how your life got better.

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