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Getting Fit: Weeks… Oh, who’s counting, anymore?

December 9th, 2010

I’m cleaning much more than I ever have, except when I moved into my first apartment, and bleached the walls, bathroom, kitchen and doorknobs daily because my ex was a scumbag, and I was afraid he’d bring home some sickness to me or the kids.  Cara will try to eat just about anything that looks tasty on the carpet.  Bird feathers, gerbil bedding, nut shells, my hair… So I try to sweep as often as possible.  Our vacuum shit the bed, and even if it hadn’t, it didn’t pick up the gerbil bedding off this floor anyway.  I’m gonna have to see if I can’t find one that does.

We pretty much stop leaving the house as much as humanly possible in the winter.  M’s just a big baby, who should be used to the weather, having lived up here all his life, but me? I may not have been born in the south, but I spent the first twenty years of my life there, and there is just no getting used to this cold.  I want to go somewhere that has four seasons, but never gets colder than, oh… 40°, thereabouts.

HOWEVER! 

There’s already discussion of getting winter clothes so we don’t have to stop walking this winter.  Among other things we’d like to do over the holidays.  So, hopefully we can find some in our size, and not be such big babies about melting snow soaking our toes, and go tromping through the college a couple times a week like we did in summer.

We’ve almost completely revamped our diet.  We’re drinking juice and water instead of soda.  BOTH of us.  We’re snacking on unsalted roasted nuts instead of chips.  We’re eating apples and sliced cheese for lunch.  Dinners are usually home cooked, and almost always something healthy, and we’re well on our way to eating mostly stews and roasts since it is, after all, the winter.  If not by date, at least in temperature.

We go to the Winter Market almost every other Sunday.  Sometimes, if we have extra money, we go every Sunday.  Usually we cab it there, swearing that it’s way too cold to walk, but by the time we’re ready to leave, we’re in such a good mood we decide to walk part of the way home.  We usually stop in somewhere for coffee or hot tea, and that rejuvenates us, and we end up walking the rest of the way.  And though we’re both in a bit of pain, thanks to the bitter cold, we still have an amazing time, and usually laugh or debate politics, or laugh and debate politics.

I can’t remember if I talked about this here, but the other day, long before it got so cold out, we went to M’s office to pick up His check, and walked from there to where we cash it.  It was only sprinkling on and off when we left, but by the time we left the check-cashing place, it was pouring.  And M and I were talking and laughing.  Hell if I know what about, but we were having fun.

I looked up, and there was this guy standing in the bus shelter ahead staring at us with disbelief on his face, and a broad grin.  And when we got close enough for him to shout to us over the torrential downpour, he asked what our secret was.  I was confused, and he said that we looked so happy, we had to have some sort of secret.  Here we were, being pelted with cats and dogs, as the temperature steadily dropped from the day’s original 75° to a chilly 55°, and our pace didn’t quicken.  We both were laughing.  The smiles never left our faces.  So what was our secret?

M says, “We’ve been married almost ten years.  We’ve learned there’s no point in bickering all the time, cause we love each other, and we’re gonna stay together regardless, so we just have fun.  We’ve pretty much got everything we want, right now.  Life is good.”

And the man insisted there must be more to it than that.  There was something special to our happiness that he hadn’t seen before.

It turned into a sermon, which caught me off guard, because no one ever preaches to me anymore.  But it made me realize that something has changed in us.  For a while, we were absolutely Average Joe New Yorker, walking around looking miserable all the time, and getting snippy with the idiocy around us, and letting one jerk-off cab driver that we’ll probably not see again for months ruin our whole day.  Both of us, for a while, were all “Woe is us.  The whole world is out to get us, and they’re damn close to succeeding.”

We’re not like that anymore.  We have hope for our future, and faith in each other, and are becoming more and more comfortable in our own skin.  We’re (Me too! No, really!) coming to grips with this idea that so long as we’re not being assholes on purpose, it doesn’t matter what other people think of us.  If they can’t take a joke, who needs ’em?

We still have money! And there’s a week till payday! And even if we run out of money before payday, there’s not a thing we have to worry about short of some disastrous mishap.

I’m working on my relationship with my father.  Something happened the other day that kind of left me feeling betrayed by both him and my sister.  My sister called me and told me a bunch of things about my dad that I was never privy to.  And I’m sort of… confused.  I mean, he seemed just as interested in rekindling our relationship as I did.  So why does it seem like he’s still playing favorites? Or is my sister just a cunt, and the reason I didn’t hear about the things she’s telling me is because the plans were never as cemented as she claims they were?

I need to grow the balls to call him and ask him these questions.  I just don’t remember anyone in my family ever handling being called out on their mistakes overly well.  But I keep bitching about how they haven’t given me a chance to prove that I’ve changed.  Shouldn’t I be giving them a chance, too? Maybe?

I dunno.  M seems to think I tried before and they blew me off, and that it’s their turn to make an effort.

I wish it didn’t hurt so much.  I wish the holidays didn’t always make me think about my relationship with my family.

Anyway, I’d say we’re moving in a really good direction.  Life is good.

<3

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