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Answers to the Things You Asked Melen

January 18th, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

selectivesensualist asked:

Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? I believe people can be a mix, but tend to lean more one way than the other. Do you view the glass as half empty or half full?

Despite what people think, I’m usually an optimist. I got a review at work once that said I had a “negative” attitude. A coworker correct my boss, saying I wasn’t being negative, I was being realistic. An optimist, in my mind, doesn’t stuff his head in the sand and hope for the best. I view the glass as half full, and then I start planning for what happens when the glass is finally empty.

Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?

Not this year. Maybe not ever again. I’ve learned that this isn’t how my mind works. I have goals; they just have nothing to do with the beginning of another year. I have felt, however, that 2011 is going to be a very good year for us. So far, that appears to be true.

Imagine that you have won a dream vacation. You can go anywhere in the world your heart desires for an entire week and stay at any type of accommodation — a five-star hotel, a bed and breakfast, a cabin . . . you name it! What would your destination be? What type of accommodations would you seek? What would be your idea of the perfect evening the first jet-lag free day that you are there?

Ireland, definitely. I’ve been to Portugal once and I would absolutely love to go back. Not sure of accommodations, I’d probably research my options. I wouldn’t want to be in a city in a huge hotel in Ireland tho.

Do you favor whips, paddles, crops, or floggers? And which do you recommend most to beginners?

To me the difficulty (from easiest to hardest to master) goes from paddles as easiest, then crops, then floggers and then whips. Don’t feel too foolish if you accidentally nail yourself in the giblets on a back swing with a flogger. I’ve done it and got a good chuckle out of it. I’m usually meaner after that.

I like them all. I tend to use canes or floggers most times. I do love my kangaroo leather flogger.

Do you follow any sport? If so, what’s your favorite team?

Not really. I’m more of a geek. I’ll watch football, sometimes. I like football, there’s skill and strategy involved. I just don’t like to bother with stats and shit like that. Basketball and baseball bore me.

Do you like to read? If so, what is your favorite genre?

I really like to read. I haven’t been able to read as much lately and it really sucks! I tend to read more horror than anything, but I’ll read some good sci-fi or fantasy (such as the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind). I’m not very good about reading non-fiction, but sometimes something catches my eye such as DMT: The Spirit Molecule, and mostly anything George Carlin wrote. I’m not really into comic books at all, but I checked out the Locke & Key comics by Joe Hill. Excellent series so far.

What was the very best present that you ever bought for Rayne?

I’m not really sure. We’re not really present-oriented. We mostly just want each other. There are things I’ve given rayne that have a lot of value. A friend of mine bought me a necklace in Israel. The pendant is a [[Hamsa]], which is palm shaped with an eye in the middle. It’s one of the few items I have that holds great value, and it became rayne’s first collar. She still wears it, along with her Eternity collar.

What is the most unusual gift you received this year?

I’m not sure I received anything unusual, to be honest.

What specific quality of (or moment in time with) Rayne made you certain that she was “the one”?

It’s hard to say. I met her when I was visiting my kids. Rayne was one of my ex’s friends. I drove up with a girl I was staying with, and I just couldn’t take my eyes off her hair. Or her ass. Or her chest. Sex was never the goal of getting to know her, tho, and I can’t really put my finger on what exactly it was. It didn’t take more then a single night for me to know I wanted to be with her forever. The feeling was very strong, and is something I usually counsel against following. We’ve just had our 8th wedding anniversary, however, and I think that’s proof that this was meant to be.

Do you like to watch pornography together as a couple? If so, what is your favorite film?

Most of the porn we watch is together. I honestly can’t remember the name of a single porn we’ve watched. We tend not to watch the same stuff over and over.

However, there are some notable exceptions, such as some of the Story of O and Sex & Submission videos. There was one particular Story of O that was absolutely mind blowing to the point where we stopped our sexual activities and just sat and watched. The level of control the guy had, both of himself and his victim, was absolutely amazing. The skill involved (technically with rope work, and psychologically with the suspense he was building) was mind blowing.

How has your life changed or (hopefully) improved since you guys added Cara to your household? (I’m a die-hard cat lover, so I think our pets definitely impact our lives!)

I try not talk about it much. I don’t want to become “that person” that always rants about a pet. But I have to say, Cara has made a huge difference since we brought her home. I’m not sure what it is, really, but in some way I can’t put my finger on she helps with our stress level. Maybe it’s because she has such a defined personality, and it’s like interacting with a family member (that you actually like). The way we laugh when playing with her is definitely part of the stress relief, but it’s also when she does things like sit next to one of us on the couch. Or when she plops on my pillow in the middle of the night because she wants company. All I know is this was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and we somehow ended up with the pet we were meant to have.

What compromises have you made in your life to forge a stronger relationship with your wife?

I want everything rayne has to offer. I want the slave, the pig whore, the filthy, filthy cunt. I want the friend, and I want the wife. Sometimes those can clash and I have to make a decision. Sometimes to support the wife, the selfishness of being her owner has to take a back seat. It’s been really tough to get to the point where I can balance the the various aspects of our relationship, but it’s worth the effort.

I dunno, this is hard for me to answer. I really don’t look at our life as a string of compromises. There’s a lot of changes we’ve made, such as not “stuffing” when we’re pissed off, being completely honest, and staying away from those angry threats we’ve all made (“If you don’t stop, I’ll leave!”). I don’t view those as compromises, tho. They were all part of us growing up, both separately and together.

Do you use sex toys in your BDSM play? If so, what is your favorite for these scenes?

Definitely. And now we have so much stuff! I really can’t pick a favorite, because it’s almost always based on what state of mind I’m in. Cuffs, clamps, zippers, canes, floggers, dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, hell they’re usually all out at some point. I really want the space to have some nice dungeon equipment. I miss my St Andrews cross.

Kindred asked:

Any special plans to celebrate the new year?

We don’t normally do anything special. Usually we watch the ball drop with some champagne or wine, and then go back to doing whatever it was we were doing prior to 11:50p. And I get a kiss at like 12:01a. Who knows, maybe we’ll party for 2012.

What is your favorite movie of all time and why?

This is a tough one. I don’t think I have a single favorite movie. There’s been movies that have had an impact. Black Death, Unthinkable, Unleashed (Jet Li was mind blowing), Hero (Jet Li again, amazing visuals); all left an impression. Antichrist wasn’t what I would call a “good time”, but it was incredibly shocking. I just recently saw The Secret of Kells. The animation is amazing.

Do you have a favorite toy? Or are they mostly Rayne’s?

The non-impact toys are primarily hears. I guess my favorites are a kangaroo leather flogger, and a flogger that I made myself (heavy, very thumpy).

Are you a late nighter or early riser?

Late nighter. I hate getting out of bed.

Is there any one thing you regret and wish you could change?

There’s certainly been things I wished I’d done different, but when it comes right down to it I wouldn’t be where I am now if anything were to change. I wouldn’t be who I am right now without the experience of my mistakes. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I paid with that with blood, sweat and tears. Why would I want to cheapen all I’ve gone through by wishing it all away?

What was the first toy you used as a couple? And in retrospect, was it a good choice?

I don’t have any idea. We’ve been together for a long time, and have done a lot of playing. I don’t think anything we’ve tried has been a bad choice. At least for me!

How did you know Rayne was “the one?”

See answer above.

Can you express how much Rayne means to you?

We spend nearly every minute of every day together. We’ve been this way since our first night together, which is over 8 years ago, and we don’t want to kill each other 99% of the time. I think that pretty much says it.

Have you ever reviewed toys?

No, that’s rayne’s thing.

Do you have any holiday traditions?

Not many. We usually spend the major holidays alone together. I always cook for Thanksgiving (and look forward to it all year), and rayne takes care of Christmas dinner. This past year I decided Christmas Eve dinner will be something we haven’t had before. For 2010, I made flounder and Egyptian rice. Who knows what we’ll do this year.

What holiday do you enjoy the most and why?

Thanksgiving. I look forward to cooking.

Describe your best day ever with Rayne.

I’m not sure if you mean the best day I’ve had, or what I would hope for.

If you mean out of the days we’ve spent together so far, there’s been so many. Like the first time we realized we could be content even being silent, as long as we were together. Or the first time a collar went around her neck. There were a couple of days when we were at Disney in Florida, sitting next to the pool with a drink, that rate pretty high.

There’s so many of these individual moments, tho. And we keep having new ones. The best days are ones spent together, of course.

What did you get for Rayne for Christmas?

We haven’t been doing the present thing lately. Some years we do, some years we don’t. I think it’s funny how stressed out people get.

Do you ever switch roles with Rayne?

Absolutely not. I’m a dominant man, and I am not submissive in any way.

How did you meet Rayne?

We met through an ex of mine. She thought it’d be funny to set me up with rayne because she expected rayne to stab me in the back somehow. She was some sorta pissed when we told her we were getting married.

What is your favorite book and why?

I tend to like books that are in a series. I’d say my favorite series are the Sword of Truth novels by Terry Goodkind. The Gap novels and of course the Thomas Covenant novels by Stephen R Donaldson. Pretty much anything by Terry Brooks. The Odd Thomas books by Dean Koontz. Why only have one favorite? I guess that’s typical thinking from a dominant (ie, I want it all!).

Bedroom Blogger asked:

What’s the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received?

Socks. Some grandparent or aunt would give me socks when I was a kid. Socks were boring!

Did you enjoy your wine the other night? Moscato is my favorite.

I think I might’ve enjoyed it a little bit too much. Oops!

Misfit momma asked:

Would you please add an email subscribe? My reader fills up so fast I often miss posts (like this one), but I actually read my emails!

I think we’re going to look into doing that.

kellyred asked:

Do you have a favorite butt plug? Why is it your favorite?

Not really. Anything big.

Victoria Lester asked:

Do you feel that openly talking with your partner about likes or dislikes in the bedroom can help spice up things?

Absolutely, but it takes a large amount of maturity to be able to do it. Unfortunately many people never reach that level of maturity. To talk openly means probably having to accept you’re not doing something in a way that’s pleasing to your partner. And everyone wants to be god or goddess of the bedroom. Most people aren’t.

The fact is, it takes practice, like most other things in life. It takes communication and feedback. Being a good lover means being able to please the one you’re with, not yourself. Not many people can be that selfless, at least not completely.

We talk about damn near everything, without exception.

Delta O. asked:

Which impact toy is your favorite to use on Rayne? What makes you favor it over others?

The kangaroo flogger we got several years ago. It still smells so good, and for me it’s balanced perfectly. A close runner up would be a flogger I made with leather scraps we bought while on vacation in Rockport, Mass. It’s very heavy and thumpy. Definitely feels like you’re wielding something substantial.

Stacee Jaxxx asked:

Melen, what was your first sex toy?

Other than what I’ve already answered above, I’m not really sure.

Lamb Chop asked:

Whose idea was it to start blogging, and what was your inspiration?

Mine mostly, but probably a combination of us both. I think the first thing we had was a site I built from scratch for her to enter her journal entries into. After several years of almost daily journal entries, I thought it’d be cool to be able to search through journal entries if we were looking for something specific. I don’t remember why it went from that to a blog (which was also custom built by me originally).

I seem to remember it went from journal, to a place for her to post her thoughts, which eventually morphed into a site with considerably less butterflies and became a site for the both of us. The word “blog” thankfully didn’t exist when we started. It just seemed like a cool thing to do. It let me mess around with programming, and let rayne talk about being a slave. I’m pretty sure we also posted stories she wrote on the earlier websites.

Editor’s note: Knowing that no one in their right mind would go back through the 373 comments to check, Rayne cleaned up your typos. She did not, however, clean up any of Melen’s before he posted this. You’re welcome. ~snicker~

  1. Kindred
    January 19th, 2011 at 17:28 | #1

    Melen, thanks for all of the thoughtful responses. I really enjoyed reading all of them.

  2. Selective Sensualist
    January 30th, 2011 at 15:38 | #2

    Wow! I just found this post and read through all the answers. They were, indeed, very thoughtful and interesting. Between your answers and Rayne’s, you paint an intricate picture of your relationship and life together.

    Oh, and I’d love to go to Ireland, too!

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