No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 15 – The Doctor
Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Everyone knows that doctors and nurses are mandated reporters, and I’ve got a physical just around the corner. I thought these damn bruises would be healed by then, but it doesn’t look like they’re going away! What on Earth can I tell the doc without having to watch my S.O. be whisked out the door in cuffs?
Well, first things first: Don’t bring your S.O.
I know. If I suggested I go to the doctor without Master, He’d ask me if I have something to hide. You see, one of the first things he took from me when I gave Him complete ownership of me was my privacy. I don’t think I’ve been to a single appointment without Him.
But if you don’t bring your S.O., your doctor gets the opportunity to see and hear you talk about your relationship without their influence. And then, if they decide to report anyway, they’ll need your input to know who to report on. Without that, all they’ve got is “We have a patient who seems to be a victim of domestic violence but they’re uncooperative.” Granted, that’s only a temporary deterrent, but it’ll give you some time to give everyone necessary a heads up and organize your plan of action.
Have a plan of action. More than one, if it’ll make you more comfortable.
Ask questions to gauge what your doctor’s response will be before telling them anything. Lead off with something even the world’s most notable soccer mom could pull off.
“We’ve been having a little trouble in the bedroom so I checked out this sex forum to see what kinds of things we can do to spice things up. They’ve got a whole section on BDSM.” (Speaking of a whole section on BDSM, the next EdenKink meeting is November 16, 2011 at 8pm ET. There’s a poll to choose the discussion topic. Go vote! And don’t forget to stop by and say hello the night of the meeting. Everyone’s welcome!)
Be confident about your relationship. I cannot stress this enough.
People will say to you things like, “Oh, honey. You’re not really happy. They’ve just brainwashed you to think you are.”
They mean well. They’ve been brainwashed to believe that no one could ever enjoy the things we kinksters get up to. But you have to be ready for it. I’ve seen even the strongest, most stubborn people have fanatical “There’s no such thing as BDSM”ers make them second guess their relationships.
They work their sticky “You’re confused.” fingers into your brain, and you start to pick apart the start of your relationship, trying to find the manipulation they’ve convinced you was there. And then you realize that a lot of the fun of BDSM relationships is the manipulation. And then you wonder if you ever truly consented or if your S.O. just manipulated you into thinking you did.
It’s ugly and depressing. Don’t let them do it to you.
But besides that, if you’re talking to your friend about their S.O. and their voice falters when they discuss something they claim to enjoy, where does your head go almost immediately? “Oh, they just do that cause their S.O. likes it/wants it/makes them/etc.”
Have a contract at the ready should you need proof that you agreed. Preferably one also signed by at least two witnesses who knows both of you well.
They’re bunk. No court will ever uphold them. If you decide to leave your S.O. after signing a contract and they choose to pursue you, it is still a crime in the eyes of the law no matter what you agreed to. But! You have a piece of paper signed by multiple witnesses that says that at one point you both entered this relationship consensually to protect you both.
Don’t feel like you have to explain in great detail how you got each mark. Really. “I’m kinky.” is enough. The rest is none of your doctor’s business unless it’s the reason you’re there. Obviously, if your dude just accidentally sliced your nipple off with the cheese grater, the doc will need a bit more of an explanation than “I’m kinky.” Or not. Who knows, eh?
And remember: Even the world’s most notable soccer mom might be kinky behind closed doors!