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Visiting a Pro Domme and public play

In the last month or so, I’ve had some experiences that have led me to do some thinking.  People in the lifestyle who know me, know that I currently see myself as a masochist.  I enjoy letting certain people inflict various types of pain on me.  I’m still in the process of figuring out just what I enjoy and don’t.  Since I’ve moved to Australia, thanks to being in smaller towns only, I’ve been unable to indulge my proclivities.  All that changed in December.

The first of the three experiences that relate together and to this article is watching a TV program.  I don’t recall the name, but it was a look at prostitution, as practiced in various places in the world.  The key points that I took from the program was that even in places where it is legal, the attitude towards women who work in the sex industry is pretty bad.  They’re viewed as somehow being lesser people, soiled, if you will.  In fact, it seemed like women who chose to do it legally were looked down on more so than those who found themselves in the profession by force or lack of options. 

The second thing I took from the program was that, in Victoria Australia (and possibly other states) brothels are legal, including those specializing in fetishes and D/s.  This led immediately to the second experience; my visiting a Pro Domme.  Fetish House is a wonderful place in Melbourne that offers a wide variety of services for the fetish minded individual.  I had a wonderful time with Mistress Lauren (more on that in a while).

The third experience is only significant because it happened shortly after my visit.  I encountered (yet another) rant about how Pro Dommes aren’t a real part of the lifestyle.  The big deal, in the eyes of the thread’s originator was that because they get paid for what they do, they aren’t real; they’re somehow lesser people.  It struck me as odd that this seems to be the only avocation that being good enough to earn a living at it is seen as being a bad thing.

I want to be clear on this; Mistress Lauren is both very good at what she does, and she is a vibrant member of the fetish community.  I’m a non-submissive masochist.  That means I’m in it for the play, not any role playing, not any sexual excitement, not to experience any humiliation or degradation.  I just want someone to give me those painful experiences that make me feel alive, invigorated, and giddy.  We talked ahead of time about what I’ve experienced in the past and what I’d like to do when I visited.  I’d experienced, prior to my visit, lots of impact play, sensation play, singular experiences with wax, needles, and mild restraint.  I’ve always had an interest in stricter bondage and have developed a curiosity for CBT.  The other thing that makes a scene extremely enjoyable for me is the knowledge that my top is enjoying herself.

I got everything I wanted from the session, and more.  I got to experience lots of impact play (or corporal, as she called it).  There were crops, floggers, canes; all deliciously painful and leaving wonderful marks and bruises.  It’s a joy for me when she can bring me to the point of swearing, and I love that wicked little giggle she lets loose when I do.  At one point, she bound me to a table so that I couldn’t move in any meaningful way.  Let me tell you, the sensations are so much richer when you can’t dance away from the source or twist the sore spot away.  Kaya, if you’re reading this, I got to experience the misery stick on my nipples and chest; it’s everything you described—I loved to hate it.

Cock and ball bondage was wonderful. The pressure and pulling was everything I hoped and thought it would be.  The few times she struck me there were incredibly intense; I can see being brought to tears by repeated strokes in a short while (I have a dreadful fascination with the idea).  I want to explore other types of CBT play as well.  We also talked while we played, and in between parts of the sessions (while being tied and untied, or just because we both wanted to talk about something).

Yes, I was charged money for the session.  Enough that I can’t afford to go there often; though I intend to visit her again.  Let me assure you the experience was worth every cent, even when we were just talking.  As much as I’ve enjoyed the play I’ve done in the past, there was something different, better if I may, about my time with Mistress Lauren.  She took me to levels of experience that I’d never been taken to before.  Part of what we talked about was why that was; I mean, one of my past play partners was an ex-Pro Domme, so it wasn’t simply the level of experience she brought.  I think it was, in part, the privacy.  All my past experience has been in some sort of public venue.  I think we all tend to hold back a little, especially those of us who play hard, when others are watching.  We’d rather hold back just a little rather than risk someone putting a stop to our play because it crossed someone else’s line of acceptability.

And really, that’s kind of sad.  The whole point of public play venues is to give people in the lifestyle whose situation make play at home impossible, someplace to enjoy themselves, as well as a place to simply socialize with like minded people.  Yet we (and Mistress Lauren admits even she does) limit ourselves in public, essentially stealing a little bit of our enjoyment.  I can’t think of any other recreational activity where the participants hold back when it’s done in public.

It seems like it’s all tied into the whole thing with sex workers.  Why do we limit ourselves in public, even when that public comes from the same place (fetish) that we do?  Why are sex workers that enjoy what they do looked down on?  Why are Pro Dommes viewed as second class members (or worse) of this lifestyle we all belong to?  It’s like we’re ashamed of what we are; of what we enjoy.  I understand hiding ourselves from the vanilla world; that’s just prudent for many of us.  It’s like we can’t admit, even to ourselves, that BDSM, D/s, sex are things worth enjoying and being part of.  Honestly, that’s just stupid.  Mistress Lauren told me that the only thing she regrets about becoming a Pro Domme is having taken so long to do it.  I can see her point.  She’s making a living doing something she enjoys.  How many people can make that claim?  Why should anyone think less of her for doing so?  Imagine if I was looked down on because I enjoy teaching.

What’s ahead for me?  I certainly don’t want to go another year or more before feeding my masochism.  I’ll be visiting Mistress Lauren again, when I can afford it.  There’s other things I hope to explore and experience.  I’ve only scratched the surface of CDT.  I want to experience even more immobilizing bondage; to the point where I can’t react, with motion, to her pain.  In the back of my mind is a desire to be unable, for a while, to even vocalize; to have to simply take whatever she does for however long—to experience doses of true helplessness and fear (yes, I do love amusement park rides, as a matter of fact).  I wore a T-shirt to the session that says, “Pretending to be a normal person every day is exhausting.”  I want to feel truly alive without having to pretend to be a normal person, even if only for an hour or two at a time.

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  1. January 13th, 2012 at 20:22 | #1

    Thanks for sharing your experience with us! It sounds amazing, that idea of letting loose and not having to worry about that boundary that we all put up even in public spaces.

  2. January 13th, 2012 at 22:44 | #2

    Rayne: Visiting a Pro Domme and public play: I got everything I wanted from the session, and more. I got… http://t.co/K4fE1CDV #slave

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