Acting weird? What’re you talking about?
A while back, I started a draft about all the things I miss about being his slave. I wasn’t even going to beat around the bush. I was going to put it just like that.
I haven’t been uncollared. He still owns my ass. It’s just been a really long time since he’s flexed his masterly muscles in any capacity. I think the last time I was punished, I was still in my twenties. I’m 32. And believe me, even at my best, I’m just not that good.
It’s not his fault, entirely. I’m kind of a bitch. I know exactly what buttons to push, in which order, and if I get too big for my britches, I put on my hiking boots and start kicking. When I go there, I could make Satan himself my bitch if given even half the chance.
Master, rather than becoming my bitch, just backs off a lot. I eventually calm down and realize I’m the mother of all cunts and apologize, but until that turning point…holy crap!
The other day, it finally came to a head. I want my master back. I want rough sex, and harsh words, and control. It doesn’t have to be the rigid, 24-7 micromanagement he often used to tighten the leash, but something more than what has been going on around here lately.
He knew it. Had, in fact, already begun taking measures to guide us back to that place. And I was so caught up in my own little pretend world of aloneness that I brushed it off as…affection. Cause that would have been so terrible.
Since we came to this conclusion, he says I’m acting different. I think it’s just that we’ve got too much outside stimulation in our off time and don’t do enough concentrating on the things that matter.
There is always something between us. We never really just concentrate on each other. We’re both just as guilty of it, and some things are unavoidable (work?), but sometimes we go a really long time without having a conversation about something that’s related to only us. We used to talk for hours. Things would be put on the back burner just so we could sit and talk. These days, we’ve spent so much time building up a repertoire of down-time activities so that we don’t spend all of our time within these four walls that we don’t always take a moment just to appreciate each other.
He’ll probably disagree, but it’s true.
For the record, I’m not suggesting we should do less. I would just like to plan some activities that encourage the two of us just hanging out. The way we did on my birthday.
I don’t think I even mentioned my birthday this year. It was awesome. (And she’s off like a shot in a different direction!)
Master asked me what I wanted to do. I couldn’t think of anything, so he suggested we go to the Saratoga Battlefields. I thought that was an excellent idea. I love battlefields. Saratoga’s one of my favorite. On the way, we stopped and grabbed toys. Bubbles, wooden airplanes, a Frisbee. We had a picnic. It was freezing! But so much fun. And we just talked. And hung out. And played like a couple of kids.
Yeah, I want more days like my birthday. Followed up by more days where he takes all of me. \
(And I’m so not acting weird.)