Insecurity: It’s not just a girl thing.
I’m a freelance writer and editor. It started as a hobby, because I love to write, and has since become some semblance of a career. It ebbs and flows as most things in life do. But one thing that always remains constant is that the vast majority of the articles I write are focused on sex, sexuality, and relationships.
Everyone we know knows what I do, including our families. They know that I review sex toys, and that our collection toppled over the $3000 mark years ago. They know that if they don’t let us know they’re coming before they visit, they may have to blush through me rushing around the house to stow away giant black dildos, and teeny purple and white vibrators, and various “sex enhancers” of the bondage variety. And they know I won’t apologize for delving into “not-safe-for-work” territory (as long as we’re not at their work) because I stand firm on the belief that adults should be capable of discussing sex in appropriate venues without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
Most of them think it’s the coolest thing ever. The women ask me all sorts of questions, from how to find their g-spot to which toy is my favorite. The men slap M on the back and congratulate him on his choice in women.
I laugh openly when the wives express an interest in experimentation and the husbands are genuinely surprised. It seems a lot of men just assume their women are far too fragile and demure to be interested in something “dirty” like sex toys.
And then I wait for it to happen. It always does. Every single time the topic swings around to my line of work, one of the fellas in the group turns to M and asks, “You’re not intimidated?”
The last time, M responded, “What do you mean?”
The guy explained that if his wife was bringing home toys that were much larger than him, he would feel inadequate. And what if she enjoys the toys more than she enjoys having sex with him?
I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass. These are valid concerns. Some women like large penises more than average or small ones. Some women get off better when they control their orgasm completely. Some women rarely or never get off from intercourse with a partner—I’m one of these women.
None of these things means that the woman values her partner and his penis any less. Masturbation, with or without a toy, can never replace the intimacy of foreplay and intercourse with your partner.
M’s lucky, though. While I do enjoy the occasionally ginormous dong, generally speaking, I prefer dildos and bio-penises that are similar in size to his. As I’ve mentioned before, my go-to dong is Leo, which is almost identical in shape and size to M. And believe me, I’ve had a wide enough range of them (real and imitation) to form an opinion.
When it comes to the orgasm, what’s important to me is that he contributes. Maybe he uses my toys on me, or we have sex before I get myself off. Maybe he just watches. As long as he’s involved somehow, and not leaving it entirely to me, it doesn’t bother me that I rarely orgasm from intercourse.
post written by Rayne Millaray, sponsored by Babeland