30 Days of Kink: What are your hard limits?
For the rest of this series, and links to others who have participated, click here.
To answer that question, one must first know what a “hard limit” is. I covered this before in my post “A No Limits Slave?”, but for those of you who weren’t reading then, or have forgotten, or don’t have time to read it now, I’m gonna cover it again.
A hard limit is something that you will never, ever, under any circumstances, participate in. Either it grosses you out, or it’s a trigger of past abuse, or it’s against your moral fiber, or it’s just not something you want to do. But regardless the reason, you’re not interested in trying it.
Generally speaking, people consider anything illegal or immoral a hard limit they don’t have to mention. Things like including family or kids in the dynamic, non-consensual anything (torture, rape, imprisonment, etc.), murder, disfigurement or dismemberment, and bestiality are on this list.
I hear your question. Why would anyone have to mention those things?
The honest answer is because some people are into those things. I know it’s a horrid thought. But the fact of the matter is, just like there are asshole people who aren’t involved in kink, there are asshole people who are. And just like with non-kinky people, they are the exception, not the rule. However, we’re all a little guilty, these days, of over-exaggerating the seriousness of any situation. Making mountains out of (someone else’s slightly over-sized) molehills. If it happened once, it must’ve happened a million times, and we just didn’t hear about it because people keep things like this to themselves (never mind that they seem to be the minority). So we make sure to mention these things just in case we happened upon the million-and-one dominant person who has freakish ideas of what’s okay to fetishize.
Other things that frequently make the hard limits list are things like blood-letting, scat (including feces in intercourse), vomit and “water sports” (including urine in intercourse). Not just for the ick factor, but also because these practices can cause the spread of illness. However, I’ve known people with hard limits that some people would consider seriously tame.
I mentioned in the “No Limits” post that M gave me a pretty thorough BDSM checklist when I was researching being a slave. The one I’ve linked to here isn’t the one we used in the beginning, but it’s the least complicated one I could find.
I was confused, in the beginning, about the difference between my hard limits and “soft limits” (something you haven’t tried but would, or don’t like but will do, or something of that nature). It made sense to me on paper, but when actually looking at my limits, I had trouble telling the difference. I mean, how do you know for sure, if you’ve never tried something, whether or not you’re going to like something?
And yeah, I was a prostitute for a while, but I was lucky. I didn’t have a pimp. For the most part, I tricked out of my friend’s house with her knowledge, permission and occasional involvement. And the vast majority of my dates were decent people. Respectful. If I said I wasn’t interested in something they wanted, most of them respected that. So there was a lot I hadn’t tried.
I had hard limits out the wazoo.
There’s this funny little feeling one gets in the pit of one’s stomach when thinking about something one is unsure of. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s like going down the biggest drop on the tallest and oldest roller coaster in the world, but you’ve never been on a roller coaster in your life, and why on the Great Purple Cabbage’s green Earth you picked this one, on this day, when you’ve had one too many cups of wine, and far too much cheese, you’ll never know. But now you’re strapped in, and they’re ready to go, and they’ve already released the brakes, so you’re fucked.
Yeah… It’s just like that, actually.
These days, the hard limits I have aren’t mine at all (because I gave M the right to control my limits, not because I don’t agree with them), but M’s. Scat and vomit (Except in the case of an occasionally overactive gag reflex… then he finds vomit incredibly hot. Weirdo.) are some. Illegal/immoral stuff is another. Sex with someone without permission. And as it stands right now, that’s pretty much it.
M and I don’t like to limit ourselves much past our moral fiber because, like I said, how do you know for sure you’re not gonna like it? So aside from the aforementioned, he doesn’t have a whole lot of limits either. Each of us will try just about anything once. And if I hate it, I have to hope He hated it, too, or deal. But the really cool thing about my dude is he rarely ever makes me do things I don’t want to do unless they have to be done, for whatever reason, or he wants them done and isn’t willing to bend. A lucky slave, I am.
Originally posted at EdenCafe.com on August 12, 2010.