Needing to Feel the Leash
Because lately, he just isn’t. I mean, there’s sadism in our sex, and I still have rules, and blah, but he doesn’t really tell me what to do. Partly because I just do it and partly because…
“But when I do, you’re a bitch.”
This is a (sort of) recent development (if by “recent development”, I mean it’s been happening the last couple years). Before it was an issue of me having a job that put me right in front of him giving the illusion that I was able to just stop what I was doing whenever he wanted me to so I could do things he wanted me to do, though the reality was that I was hourly and expected to be tethered to my computer at all hours of the day despite being refused overtime pay. These days, I’m just bitchy all around. Mostly because I’ve been going through something, but also because I’m really caught up in my own bullshit (different from what I’m going through), and focused on the wrong things.
“Well, you’re just supposed to push through that till I stop being a bitch,” I said.
And just…wow. Really?
I mean, yes, he’s supposed to maintain a firm hand, as per our agreement. And yes, it’s his responsibility to discipline me when I’m out of line. But in what slave contract does it say, “the slave gets to be a total bitch for as long as she wants, and the master just has to keep disciplining her”?
No slave contract, that’s where. It certainly doesn’t say it in Anastasia Steele’s contract. I know because I read it the other night.
And no, we’re not modeling our relationship after 50 Shades of Grey. Duh? But I bet I had you going for a second, there, huh?