Home > No Stupid (Kink) Questions > No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 4 – Aging Slaves

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 4 – Aging Slaves

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 4:

Slaves, just like everyone else, get old. They get sick. If they give up everything, who takes care of them in these times? What if the relationship ends, or the owner dies? And here’s this slave, who hasn’t had a job in years, thrust back into society, and pretty much unhireable.

A lot of people scoff at these questions. I mean, people have survived break-ups and partner deaths since the beginning of time, and society has ways of dealing with aging humans. But let me be honest with you, and tell you that this is one of my biggest fears, and I’m not, by any means, a novice.

I’m thirty years old, and I’ve been rough on my body. I have persistent tendinitis in more than one joint. In the ones I don’t, I’ve got arthritis. I’m working on a good case of carpal tunnel syndrome, what with all the typing I do. My mental illnesses might get worse, not better, when I’m young enough to retire. (You like what I did there, huh?) Especially if I develop dementia, which runs in my family, along with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and breast cancer. And I have a severe irrational fear of doctors and nurses and paramedics and… Notice that I do admit that I know it’s irrational. Knowing that is little comfort, and I’ll still suffer through tremendous amounts of pain, and illness, before finally giving in, and visiting a clinic.

I expect to be rather high maintenance, through no real fault of my own, other than luck of the genetic draw, and can’t imagine what our silver and gold years are going to be like. I am scared. Hopeful, but scared. Not just of losing myself to some wasting disease, but also of how my owner will handle it, mentally and emotionally, on a personal level. I can’t bear thinking of how devastated He’ll be. So I live for today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I know that, one of these days, this is going to kick me in the ass. I know that, eventually, as occasionally happens when risk takers take one risk too many, my luck will run out. I’m not really sure what’s gonna happen. And I’m not really worried about it. Whatever will be, will be.

I hope that if we come to a point where M has to leave the work force, I’ll have found a way to sustain us on what I know, and what I’m good at. Right now, my resume consists mostly of writing projects that I’m paid in sex toys for. While that’s impressive if I get up the gumption to go for the gusto, and try to make a bigger name for myself, if I had to walk out into “the real world”, most people would probably at least pretend to be interested, and then promptly drop my application in the garbage when I walked out the door. I really only have one career move, at this point, and it requires just as much confidence as it does talent, and I could fall short. That’s scary. Most plan for this with retirement funds, and life insurance, just like people who aren’t in power exchange relationships.

Some people insist that if you’re going to take control of someone, you are responsible for their future. They suggest that you set aside an account, so the slave isn’t left high and dry when the owner lets him or her go. While this is an excellent idea, and I commend anyone willing to do so, it kind of feels…off, to me.

I mean, for one thing, many owner/property relationships resemble a 50s household, more than the big, domineering sadist, and doormat sexual play thing many envision when they’ve never actually known, spoken with, read about, lived as a sex slave. I know in our case, more often than not, we’re working, or just hanging out around the house together. There are distinct hints at what we’re about. Like how he never really asks me to do something, so much as he tells me to do them. But for the most part, we’re just a normal, if slightly odd, and agoraphobic, couple.

For another, how many married couples have savings accounts set aside just in case their marriage ends in divorce? For that matter, how many people in happy, healthy relationships consider even the possibility of not being together in the future?

The divorce rate in the U.S. is about 50% for the first marriage, 67% for the second marriage, and 74% for the third (numbers vary depending on source). I suppose with statistics like those, I can see why preparing for the end, especially in the case of a stay-at-home slave, sounds like a good idea. But there’s a bit of merit to the idea of positive thinking. While I won’t claim that it makes things happen all by its lonesome, it does go a long way to putting you in the correct mindset to achieve things you wouldn’t otherwise be able to achieve. Focus on the solution, not the problem.

The honest answer is that each couple does what they feel is right for them when it comes to illness, old age, and quality of life. Sometimes, owners find younger slaves to take care of them and their older slaves as they age, and reduce the older slave’s tasks as necessary. Some just grow old together, as husbands and wives tend to do. But there’s no special organization that takes in retired slaves.

Maybe we should start one? I mean, for those super doms who don’t age, so they have somewhere to send their aging slaves. While we’re at it, let’s build a slave store, too, so they can find younger models when they find themselves in need of one. Oh… wait. That’s illegal, isn’t it? Never mind.

Completely off topic, and I apologize for this sharp left turn. I was finished with my previous topic, I promise. And this next one I’ll sum up as best I can.

A California man named John Tyner (read his story here) opted out of a full body scan (which is a warrantless virtual strip search), only to find the pat down even more invasive when he realized the TSA agent intended to touch his genitals. When he refused to submit to this illegal search, and invasion of privacy, he was first asked to leave, and then threatened with a $10,000 fine if he did. Since then, a few grassroots organizations have joined together in an effort to force TSA to find a more dignified security procedure. They’re asking all of us who are flying on November 24th to, in protest of having our genitals touched by the TSA, opt out of the body scan, submit to the pat down, but refuse to go to the back room, and file a complaint if you have a problem with TSA. Go to www.OptOutDay.com for details.

I hear you. I haven’t forgotten, either. I live in New York! But I will not allow my government to become the terrorists by allowing them to take away my privacy to protect me. And I hope you won’t, either. If you’re still with me, thank you for tolerating my preaching.

Originally posted at EdenCafe.com on November 18, 2010.

  1. P’Gell
    July 29th, 2013 at 21:57 | #1

    OK, I’ll comment on this repost. (No stupid questions, right, Rayne? ;))

    My closest friend was also in a D/s relationship. Her husband was my husband’s mentor and the guy he went to for a lot of things, Dom related and otherwise. My friend had been with him since she was a teenager. I remember when she told me she was going to “submit” to him. I was very young, didn’t know about such things and I was like, “WTF is wrong with you?” I found later it works a lot better for MM and I than I could have though. It worked well for them, too. That’s not what this is about, though.

    About 1.5 years ago he died. Awful cancer. They had a a child and he had put together a good life insurance policy as well as other assets. He always had intuition. He was older than she was, but he KNEW he was going to die young. While he was alive and healthy, I tried to talk him out of thinking this way, MM tried HARD to get him out of thinking this way. He was, of course, right.

    Anyway, she did have a job outside of the home, but it doesn’t pay much. She has learned to take care of things (many of which he never would when he was alive, many of which she never had to before) she’s using some of the money to finish her education, so she can get a better job so she can support herself and her child more easily.

    It was hard on her emotionally. God, she misses him. MM misses him. I miss him. Their child misses him the most, I think.

    She’s OK, though. She’s going to make it. He looked into the future and saw what *might* happen and thought to take care of s. while he was still alive. I’m sure she’d be OK if he hadn’t. She’s a strong sub, like most of us. But, it sure helped her get through that first hellish year after he died. And she’s so thankful he thought to take care of her even after his death.

    I know not everyone can afford to do this. He was able to get life insurance through his work and more on his own. She wasn’t left high and dry with few skills and too many bills. Losing him was bad enough emotionally. At least she could still eat and pay the mortgage. I wish our economy was doing well enough so that everyone could afford things like life insurance which should NOT be a luxury. MM has life insurance for me and the kids, and also a plan for a year’s salary paid to me if he dies (2 years if he dies on the job. I told him if he ever dies in our house, I’m gonna drag him into his truck and drive it to his job and leave it there…..) It’s some comfort. But, as my friend s. I’d certainly rather have him here.

  2. August 5th, 2013 at 09:55 | #2

    @P’Gell I think planning for the future, whether you’re in a D/s relationship or not, is very important. It scares me that M and me still live paycheck to paycheck. He’s got life insurance, but that’s it.

    I dunno that I’d stay in New York. I don’t really know anyone up here anymore. I’d probably move to Texas to be with my dad.

  3. Camryn
    May 16th, 2014 at 00:33 | #3

    I’m paranoid and I want to be able to prepare myself for any and everything, but we all know that’s not possible. This question is one that everyone has to answer for themselves, but I think you did a good job 🙂
    Except the “slave store” joke. That was a bit gross Rayne. (Just my totally biased opinion though. It might actually be hilarious.)

  4. May 16th, 2014 at 10:48 | #4

    @ Camryn That was sarcasm, not a joke. But I originally wrote the post for EdenCafe, and I was trying not to be too much of a jerk. At the time, I had a friend whose owner was letting her go because she was “too old” to be a slave. She was 45, and he was 57.

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