Product Review: Anaconda by @Tantus
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Ooo, what’s that?
Maybe I mentioned that I’m a Tantus fan a time or two? Like, a giant freakin’ Tantus fan who wants to have all the Tantus things!
It started with butt plugs, and totally by accident. We were shopping around for something that was not jelly because we had just learned the hard way how truly horrid jelly is, and we found the Tantus Zing. And while I didn’t like the Zing, I freakin’ loved the silicone. And thus, a Tantus fan was born.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, that’s none other than the Anaconda from Tantus. Isn’t he beautiful?
What’d it come in?
Generally speaking, Tantus products come in see-through, recyclable plastic boxes, so, you know, don’t open your package when the neighbors are visiting. Or do, if you’re into that sort of thing. Last time one of our friends came over, the first thing I did was whip out the Fun Factory Stronic Drei, so…
How’s it made?
One of my favorite things about Tantus is that there are a few different textures to their silicone. Some is shiny and slick. Some is matte and draggy. Some is squishy. Some is dense. Depends on the toy, and the toy’s purpose. This shows that Tantus has a firm grasp of their customer base, and fully understand that different bodies react differently to different types of toys. How could you not love that?
My Anaconda is matte black, and hella dense. I’m thinking I could club someone over the head with this thing and knock them loopy enough to get around the corner and down the block before they could regain their composure and attempt to catch up to me.
That said, it’s not overly heavy. It feels lighter than my Curve, but Curve has a big, bulky base, so that makes sense.
What’s it for?
Masturbation and partner play. You could probably use this anally, because it’s super long, and the handle’s kinda flared.
How is it?
|handle fits most hands
obvious transition between insertable
portion and handle
shaped like a real penis
made of 100% platinum silicone
easy to care for
easy to use
firm, and not overly floppy
|doesn’t work in all positions|
What I want to know is how much research went into these handles? I mean, seriously. They’re practically perfect in every way. Both the Echo and the Anaconda stand up on their handles. This is more than I can say for some dildos I own that have giant bases meant for harnesses. I’m impressed. Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always felt dildos should stand up on their own. I guess so I can set them down for a second while fiddling with something else without having to worry about the gobs of cat fur I’ll have to clean off to use it again? I mean, that makes the most sense, doesn’t it?
Plus? They’re not wobbly and the finger ribs fit my hand and M’s hand comfortably. I have giant man hands, but M’s got even gianter man hands, so that it fits both sizes comfortably is awesome.
Plus?! There is a distinct difference between the handle and the insertable part. This is awesome for women (and men) whose partners get a little overzealous with how much of the sex toy they thrust inside. It’s obvious how much is “too much” just by looking at the toy, so you can say, “Stop here.”
The one issue I have with this toy is that it doesn’t work for me in all positions. M and me, we do this thing. We’re not, like, the “creators” of this thing, and I’m sure lots of you do something similar, from time to time. Basically, he’ll lay on the bed so that he’s sort of sitting up, and I’ll get on all fours so I can alternate between sucking his cock and an over-the-knee spanking. This position opens me up to all sorts of vaginal play if M’s in that kind of mood.
Lately, it’s been his fingers on my clit and a dildo in my pussy, and the Anaconda was the second toy we tried this with.
Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. Totally the wrong kind of ow. Like, urethra pinching, vaginal wall jabbing ow. Wrong kind of ow leads to dry pussy and more wrong kind of ow and…I thought I was taking this like a champ (I sometimes have issues telling M I’m uncomfortable or in pain, because sometimes, me being uncomfortable or in pain is the point, and I don’t want to fuck up his pleasure by acting like a tiny little girl bitch1), until we were done, and he said, “I don’t think we should use that one that way anymore. It didn’t seem like you liked it and it was awkward for me.”
“Oh, thank god,” I replied, giving up my weak charade. “That fucking hurt!”
This is not a show stopper, though. Not all sex toys are created equal, and some are just not good in certain positions. For example, I can’t use most dildos laying flat on my back because I’m fat and I have short arms and big boobs. The logistics just don’t add up.
The Anaconda is one of my favorite larger dildos for solo use, and it’s pretty amazing when M fucks me with it while I’m laying on my back. So I can’t use it during an over-the-knee spanking session? Big screaming deal. I’ve got bags upon bags of dildos, and most of them are great in that position. And besides, while I like bigger dildos from time to time, they are an occasional thing for me.
Of course, not everyone is that lucky. Some need an all-purpose dildo they can use in every position. If that’s the case for you, I’d suggest something a little smaller from the same line. You can find links to all of them in the table above. The Echo works great for me during over-the-knee spankings, so I assume the others would, too.
Yeah, I’m bragging a little bit, there. Sue me.
Don’t really. You wouldn’t get anything.
Anything else I should know?
Whether you’re a beginner or a size queen pro, you’re gonna want to use lots of water based or hybrid lube with this toy. Unless you produce lots of lube on your own, that is. In that case, lube may only be necessary for an exceptionally long masturbation session.
Clean up’s a snap. Wipe it down with toy wipes. Wash it with non-abrasive antibacterial soap and warm water. Boil it. Put it in the top drawer of your dishwasher (no soap, please!). Wipe it down with a 10% bleach/90% water solution. Whatever makes you most comfortable.
Storage is just as easy. Drop it in the box, bag, tote, whatever, that you have all your other silicone in.
Where’d ya get it?
Metis Black had this idea that people might like to have safe, artistic sex toys. And boy, was she ever right. All of the Tantus toys are body safe and hypoallergenic. And they look and feel good, too.
1. 1000 cool points to anyone who got the Scrubs reference.