NS(K)Q: Q47 – Dominant Guilt
Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 47:
My girlfriend and I have been together over four years. Coming into the relationship, we knew that we had each been in D/s relationships previously, and actively practiced our kinks. As time went on, I’ve begun to feel even more submissive to her but she has been less dominant. She says that she still enjoys it but finds it hard to dominate or release her sadist nature because she “loves me too much and feels like she’s hurting me after a scene”. When she does let her Dom/Sadist nature out, it’s FANTASTIC until her second thoughts kick in. What can I do to help her get past this, to see that she’s not hurting me but giving me exactly what I need?
Your girlfriend’s reaction is not an uncommon one. From very young ages, we’re taught not to hurt those we love intentionally, so it’s only natural to feel a bit guilty after hurting our romantic partner…and enjoying it.
There are lots of things you can do to help her get through this. Here’s just a few to get you started: Read more…