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SJP#454 – Seven Words

April 18th, 2010 Comments off

What seven words would you use to describe yourself?

1. Owned – Other parts of who I am change and grow as M continues my training.  But one thing that never changes is the fact that I am owned.
2. Loyal – Or maybe that should read “gullible”? I’m like Charlie Brown.  Every time I go out to kick the ball, Lucy snatches it away, and I end up on my ass.  But I practice kicking with her anyway.  I give people second chances to a fault.  It takes some serious hurt to get me to give up on someone.
3. Strong – It’s almost impossible to keep me down.  I suppose that could be my short memory and lack of common sense.  But I like to believe it’s left over from learning to “walk it off” in softball practice, whether “it” was an injury, hurt feelings or anger.
4. Submissive – I tend to bow to the will of the strongest person in the room if that’s not me.  It’s how I was raised.  My father was the strongest person in the room, always, and the only one I respected enough to listen to.  Until I didn’t anymore.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Now, M is always the strongest person in the room.  I’m really not sure anyone would ever be able to convince me otherwise.
5. Caring – If I like you, you can bet I care about you.  If I don’t know you, I, more likely than not, care about you in the abstract.  And if I know you and don’t particularly like you, I at least care enough to wish you well, even if I won’t cry about it if you’re not well.  I’m a weirdo that way.
6. Paranoid – About everything and nothing.
7. Happy – Even with all the bullshit that keeps stomping us back down when we start to gain our footing, I am happy.  My relationship is going well.  I have good friends, even if we don’t get to talk much.  And I am happy.

prompt found at SubmissiveGuide

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SJP#62 – Trust in Master

April 16th, 2010 Comments off

Is trust in your owner a necessity for your surrender?

In my mind, trust is a necessity in any relationship.  Adding an owner/property dynamic doesn’t change that.

But trust is especially necessary for me.  I’ve been through a lot, as those of you who read me regularly know, and I can’t even get close to someone if I don’t trust them.

To let them control me? And not just control me, but tie me down and come at me with hurty things? Yeah… I’d say trust is a necessity.  “Masochist” is not synonymous with “death wish”.

Wow.  Eighty-six words.  I thought for sure I’d have more to say about this subject than that.  But I guess a yes is a yes, no matter how you slice it, huh?

prompt found at SubmissiveGuide

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SJP#117 – Dependency

December 10th, 2009 2 comments

Do you consider yourself dependent on your owner? Is this a positive or negative thing to be in your opinion? Is becoming dependent a goal in your dynamic?

I am almost entirely dependent on my owner.

This used to be a problem for me.

I came into this relationship a “tough girl from the streets”.  The only way to win an argument was to demolish your opponent.  The only way to stay alive was to fight dirty.  And the only way to survive it all mentally was to be an island.

An island sustains itself.

An island has food and water.  It has animals and plant life.  It has parasites and insects.  It keeps itself and its inhabitants alive all by itself with a little help from Mother Earth.  And that’s who I had learned to be.

One of the most important parts of my training has surrounded my dependence.  Master enjoys being the bread winner.  He likes having a wife and slave to come home to at night.  He adores being able to come home, put His feet up and watch some TV or read while I scurry about tending to His needs or cuddle up beside Him doing the same thing.

Master doesn’t think slaves should have jobs unless it’s absolutely necessary to sustain the household.  He believes they should be completely dependent on their owner for all their basic needs, and especially for the not so basic ones.  He feels they should look to their owner for any and all emotional fulfillment, unless they are in a poly relationship.  In short, I should look to Him for everything.

That doesn’t mean I have to ask permission before doing all things, or that I can’t make decisions on my own.  It’s more that I had better be damn sure I ask for what I do need permission for and keep in mind what would please Him when I’m faced with a choice.

Master spent a lot of time making me depending on Him for even a box of tampons “okay” for me.  It’s still sometimes too embarrassing, and I’ll go without before asking for something.  Not something quite as important as feminine products, though.

But even as He fosters dependence in most everything, He tries to teach me independence in my responsibilities.  Like, for example, running His household.  He expects me to be proactive about the food and paper products and keep up on the house cleaning without needing prompting from Him.  Though I do need permission to go shopping, I should be keeping Him informed of when we need to go and how much we need to spend.

To be honest, I’m not sure whether it’s a positive or negative thing.  I think that we’re in constant communication about the house and our life together because of this forced dependency is a good thing.  Society, however, would say that it’s unhealthy.  It works for us, though, even when I feel stifled.

prompt found at SubmissiveGuide

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SJP #523

October 26th, 2009 1 comment

When do you feel the most beautiful?

I have battled self esteem issues for as long as I can remember.  I have always been the fat kid, the one who was picked on in school, kicked and pushed around, and just never really popular.  I never saw myself as beautiful and was, and still am, under pressure to lose weight and look like the ideal model woman of American society.  I never have been accepted for who I am and what I am until recently.

I feel the most beautiful in quite a few instances.

I feel the most beautiful when I am standing naked in a room full of people who are looking over my body in awe.

I feel the most beautiful when I am standing before my Master, eyes locked with his, his hands roaming around my body, caressing my curves, and watching as his beautiful lips curl into the most wonderful grin.  And then to hear the words “this is mine” makes me melt every time.  Read more…

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SJP#83 – The Internet’s Impact

October 22nd, 2009 Comments off

wrong-on-the-internetDo you believe the internet has made the ‘lifestyle’ more accessible to people? How has the internet impacted your lifestyle?

I came into this kinda late in the game.  Not long after I got involved in a master/slave relationship, the internet was being mocked for its lack of resources.  The forums were starting to degenerate.  And the chat rooms were starting to empty out.

I know there are still forums and chat rooms in tact, but the number of people who frequent them has halved, and the quality of the discussions that take place has severely gone downhill.  I can remember a time when you could actually have a conversation about the different ways things are done without being flamed into nonexistence.  A time when people cared more about helping each other than pointing out how much better they or their relationships are.

I think the internet has absolutely made this “lifestyle” more accessible to people.  I mean, how could it not? From what used to be a secret society, of sorts, there are porn sites and forums and chat rooms and blogs cropping up everywhere.  What used to be discussed in hushed tones in the corners of parties has developed into clubs and munches and play parties and events.

Maybe the internet hasn’t increased the amount of kinky people in the world.  But it has definitely played at least some part in giving us all a name for our kink.  A forum to discuss it in while still remaining anonymous.  A place to gather all sorts from all over the world.

I don’t know if I consider this a good thing or a bad thing.  I mean, where as we used to come together to share our kink and enjoy the fact that others are similar to us, we now bash the shit out of each other for tying our shoes differently.  Read more…

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SJP#73 – No thank you!

October 13th, 2009 2 comments

Make a list of 5 things that it seems everybody wants, but you are just as happy not to have.

I’m a cheap date.  No, really.  If I can help it, I won’t let anyone spend money on me.  I talk about things I want all the time, but I rarely actually go through all the trouble of convincing Master I need it and then going to the store to buy it.

I don’t like people buying things for me.  It makes me feel guilty because I can rarely, if ever, return the favor.  Especially when they barely have money to spend on themselves.  And I’ll even put off buying something I really need (like a new pair of shoes… shut up.) for months and months so Master can have things He wants.  If He knew to what extent I go with this, I’d probably get smacked.  Seriously.

But besides that? The things people buy these days shock and appall me.  Phones that allow people to find you via GPS, clothes that look like they just stepped out of an 80s hair band music video, games that have so much gore and ridiculousness that you lose the point of the game…

So here it is.  The top five things people are buying that I do not want.   Read more…

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