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Posts Tagged ‘control’

So, Uh…About Aunt Flo…

February 25th, 2014 3 comments

M and me making faces“So, uh…shouldn’t you be bleeding by now?”

“Mayyyybe.” In truth, I don’t know. I stopped keeping track of my period the day my tubes were tied. I mean, I always have an estimated idea of when my next one is due, but since my last child, my period has never really been exact, and I finally just gave up worrying about whether or not I was pregnant because I haven’t gotten pregnant in thirteen years.

I mean, I know it’s been a few weeks. But has it been three or four? I dunno! Every once in a while, my cycle falls around the sixth of the month. Other times, it falls around the fifteenth. Which is it now? I don’t know!

“I feel like you should be bleeding by now.”

“Well…yesterday my back was killing me. Today my boobs hurt. My stomach’s fucked up and I can’t sleep. So maybe soon?”

“Yeah…uh…”

“Or maybe I’m pregnant,” I said sardonically.

“No babies! No babies! No babies!” he yelled, in his best game show voice.

“Yeah, that’s one abortion I’ll pay for,” I reply.

“You’ll do what I tell you,” he retorts. “So just don’t get pregnant.”

P.S. This is mostly a joke. Yes, I was a little late, but we’re talking days, not weeks, and M and me were mostly just fucking with each other.

P.P.S I started my period later that day. No babies!

I feel pretty…oh, so pretty…

January 10th, 2014 8 comments

imageSo last night, I dyed my hair.

I was supposed to wait till Master felt like helping me (or had the time…lately, it’s more that he doesn’t have time for anything), but I got tired of waiting. I wanted it done already. So in anticipation of the mess I was going to make, I covered the bathroom with garbage bags, mixed up a couple bags of henna-based, all natural dye, and went to town.

I used this color the last time I dyed my hair, but my hair was longer, and chemically treated in some places, and much, much more damaged. At the time, I was using Suave shampoo and conditioner because we couldn’t afford something good for my hair, so my hair was super dry. Plus, I followed directions on the internet rather than directions on the package. Over all, it was a giant recipe for disaster, and it didn’t come out quite how I wanted it, and…yeah.

Oh, did I not mention I cut my hair? I can’t remember. I mean, if you follow me on Twitter, you know, because I practically live-tweeted that shit. I was super nervous about it. Partly because the girl took off 2 1/2 feet, but mostly, I was nervous about the bangs. I haven’t had bangs since middle school, and back then, we cut a very thin layer of bangs straight across just under the brow line, rolled them under with a curling iron, and then sprayed the shit out of them so that they didn’t lose their curl. Ahh…the 90s. Read more…

Categories: rayne Tags:

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 16 – You’re the master!

September 16th, 2013 No comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 16:

I’ve got this slave. I love it more than anything, and I’d love to keep it around. But it keeps ignoring the rules. I mean, I’m the owner. Shouldn’t my slave be doing at least some of what I say?

Disclaimer: I wrote this post for EdenCafe around the time I started losing faith in the company. I was hella drunk, and veered off the point a bit. I will be revisiting it this week. Moral of the story: never blog kink instructions when you’re sloshed.

So I’m sitting on the couch with M when suddenly I get the urge to lick his back. I cuddle up to him, snuggle my face between his back and the cushions and begin to lick and nip and kiss.

“That’s no fair.” he says.

“What’s no fair?” I ask, innocently.

“You’re teasing!” he says.

“It is impossible for me to tease.” I say back, matter-of-factly. And he just kinda stares at me. Read more…

I have to ask permission for lots of things, but you draw the line at masturbation?

September 11th, 2013 9 comments

All3One of the first things Master took away from me when he collared me was my right to choose when, where, and how to pleasure myself.

I probably asked him why. That’s what I do. Being a slave, I’m just supposed to accept whatever orders he gives me without question, but I am the original Why Child, and I question everything. I mean, I still do what I’m told, even without the answer. But I almost always ask. It’s just my way. #slaveryfail

I’m sure that when I asked him why, he responded with, “Because I can.” That’s his way.

It’s possible that later he explained it. I have a distant memory of a discussion about my pleasure belonging to him with the rest of me. I remember him saying a time or two that he wanted to be the one to give me pleasure, even if that meant telling me when I could pleasure myself. Read more…

Categories: rayne Tags:

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 14 – Things Change

September 9th, 2013 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 14:

So I’m a slave. I asked to be a slave. I want to be a slave. I love being a slave. But as the years progress, there are some things I’m realizing I need that I didn’t talk to my owner about when we were in the negotiating process. To be honest, they just never crossed my mind back then. Is it wrong for me to tell him that my needs have changed?

Disclaimer: For the purposes of this post, I will be using the term “master” in the unisex form and variations of the pronoun “they”. I dunno about you, but typing out all the slashy-speak required to cover all the genders twenty times in a post makes the ol’ fingers cramp. Like Jiz Lee, I like they.

I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again, anyway. No matter what your question, my opinion is precluded by your relationship agreement. I don’t know what your dynamic is like, and having nothing to do with your relationship, I’ve also got no influence whatsoever. As it should be. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 13 – Telling the Family

September 2nd, 2013 No comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 13:

I dunno if you’ve met my dad, but…he’s, like, this big hulking monster who would just kill my man if he found out about how we live. My mom doesn’t really talk about sex much. And my sister’s a bit of a sensationalist. Should I tell them? Do I have to tell them? And like…how do I tell them?

You don’t have to tell your family you’re involved in a kinky relationship. Matter of fact, in some cases, I wouldn’t suggest it.

BDSM is viewed as assault in many places, and therefore, is a crime. In some of these places, no matter how long or loud you yell about consent, the court will still convict the person perceived to be the attacker. Especially with someone else in the background yelling about how awful the “abuser” is. Sometimes even without a statement from the “victim”. This, for many, is a good enough reason to keep their lifestyle and relationship dynamic a secret. Read more…