Kinktionary: Paraphilia
Paraphilias are not to be confused with fetishes.
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Paraphilias are not to be confused with fetishes.
Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!
Merriam-Webster defines “fetish” thusly:
However, a fetish isn’t always necessary for sexual gratification. Many foot fetishists, for example, can achieve orgasm and enjoy sex without including their partner’s feet. The sex is just that much better if the fetish is included.
A fetish is different from a paraphilia in that fetishes can be healthy, and paraphilias are not.
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Some couples arrange puppy play dates for their “pets.” And there are even puppy play park parties where groups of people into puppy play get together and the human puppies can engage in play with other human puppies.
Some folks won’t have sex with their partners while they are in puppy mode because they feel it is akin to bestiality. Some believe that when their partners are in puppy mode, they cannot actually give consent. Others believe it’s only role play, and incorporate puppy play into their sexuality.
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Sub frenzy can inspire unsafe behaviors, and has been known to cause a new submissive to jump into the deep end before they know how to swim. It is an excitement similar to New Relationship Energy, in that a submissive who has just discovered submission, and felt that click we all feel when we find something that suits us perfectly, wants to do all of the submissive things right the fuck now, kthxbai.
Sub frenzy is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can occasionally cause submissives to go overboard with trying new things, or make them appear overly eager. The best way to combat sub frenzy is to pace oneself.
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Webster defines “kink” as “unconventional sexual taste or behavior”; in other words, a fetish. That’s probably the most used definition, especially in mainstream media.
In the kink community, “kink” is also used as a sort of catch all for nontraditional sex practices, fetishes, and relationship dynamics. Some well known kinks include (but definitely are not limited too) a foot fetish, BDSM play, water sports, master/slave relationship dynamics, and spankings.
Though BDSM is a kink, not everyone who is kinky is into BDSM.
You can find a user-created list of fetishes here on Fetlife (requires login, free registration). Keep in mind, though, that there are quite a few fetishes there that were created tongue-in-cheek and some that are inside jokes.
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Edging is a generally considered to be a masturbation technique used by men to achieve the “ultimate orgasm.” To edge, a man will bring himself close to orgasm, then deny himself over and over again, before finally allowing himself release. This is said to result in a much better orgasm than if a man were to climax the first time he feels able.
Men do not actually corner the market on edging, and edging is not only used during masturbation.
In BDSM, edging is a method of controlling a submissive by driving them into sexual frustration. The top will bring the bottom to the brink of orgasm through intercourse or manual stimulation (with or without a sex toy), then deny the bottom climax.
Some people believe that this form of sexual control increases a bottom’s submissive nature, and it makes sense. Exerting control over a bottom’s orgasm can cause the bottom to exhibit behaviors they know will please the top in order to receive the reward of getting off.
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