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Posts Tagged ‘personal’

Apparently, we’re moving again.

May 17th, 2017 No comments

Edited at 9:15pm: Landlord just called. WE DON’T HAVE TO MOVE!

We were recently told we’re probably going to have to move. It probably serves me right for being so braggadocios about the location, but I’m not even sorry.

What I am is pissed. And sad. And stressed the fuck out.

The landlord told us two days before I went in for breast cancer screening, and a few days after we found out that M has gum disease so severe that the dentist is extremely concerned about his health, and needs $10,000 in oral surgery (our insurance covers $1,000). And the next day, our car broke.

Three or four months ago, I found a lump in my breast, and I ignored it because I’ve had lumps before, and they went away. This one didn’t go away. In fact, it got larger. Eventually, I told M, and tried to get an appointment to be seen, and that day was so fucking frustrating that I pretty much cried and screamed all day.

I lost count of how many doctors I called.

My primary care physician refused to see me for the lump until I had a physical done because my last one was in 2015, and she didn’t have any physical appointments open until May. I called her around the end of March. Because catching breast cancer early is so important, I really wanted to punch her in the face. Like, seriously. Like, I’ve never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. I won’t be seeing that doctor again. Not even if she’s the only doctor left on the planet. Read more…

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If it weren’t for bad luck…

January 20th, 2017 1 comment

Last week was absolute hell. It extended into this week, and I 100% wanted to shoot someone.

Okay. That’s a lie. I never actually want to shoot someone. Or stab someone. Or punch someone (unless they punched me first). I should probably stop saying it.

It started with the propane/oil company. I called them on Thursday (1/5) to set up a tank fill because we were on 1/8 of a tank. I probably shouldn’t have waited that long, but we have 30 days to pay the bill, and we knew it would be a lot of money that we wouldn’t be able to pay until M got paid, so we wanted to make sure we’d have plenty of time.

When I called, the lady was all, “Oh, you need a fill soon! I’ll get that set up and we’ll be over in a couple of days.” Then the temperature dipped below 0 a couple of times over the weekend, and suddenly, it was Monday, and we were on E and they still hadn’t showed up. So I called again. And she started lecturing me about keeping a close eye on my tank like she hadn’t told me on Thursday that she would get someone out there immediately to fill it.

They offered to “try to fit you in” on Tuesday, and they managed, but by that time, the tank was empty, and we were trying to heat our house with space heaters. Read more…

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#JanuaryGoals An Update

January 6th, 2017 No comments

This is probably not going to become a thing. I tried doing weekly updates once before, but they got redundant and annoying and blah. To me, anyway. No one else ever said as much.

But right now, I’m in a really good place mentally, and it’s a huge turn for me, and so I wanted to talk about where I’m at before the Monthly Monster drags me down into the bottomless pit of despair like it always does. I can already feel it tugging at the edges of my mind, trying to make me question myself, so I gotta make this fast!

Of the last 10 days, I’ve missed 4 days of exercise. All of them intentional.

I refuse to apologize for the first three because it was the last Friday of 2016, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day. My excuse is boooooooooooooooze. Plus, I wasn’t really planning on hitting it hard until the new year, anyway. New year, new start, and all that jazz.

I know a lot of people have been bashing the fuck out of the “new year, new start” crowd, lately, but I don’t give a fuck. It’s becoming a really helpful coping mechanism for me, especially in light of 2016 being such a shit year. I’ve made some bad decisions. I’ve done some fucked up shit. I don’t even know who all I hurt/owe apologies to.

But that was the old me. That was 2016 me. 2017 me will be better. Read more…

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Treading Water

December 8th, 2016 1 comment

From the summer of 2014 until 2016, I went through a bit of an existential crisis.

I hate admitting that. I hate everything about that.

I hate that it’s lasted so long. I hate that I feel like I lost myself somewhere. I hate that I for sure took it out on other people. I hate that I allowed it to make me even more flakey than I already am. I hate that I allowed it to make me retreat into myself with no explanation to any of the people (or companies) I care about.

I hate that I’m not 100% sure it’s over.

Over the past year, I’ve spent the majority of my time buried in politics and social justice (which you know if you follow me on Twitter). I’ve lost a lot of readers, and a lot of reach because so many people came to me strictly for sex and kink advice, and I have mostly stopped posting that literally everywhere you can find me.

And at first, I was mad about it.

I have never and will never be a one dimensional person. Read more…

Finding Happiness in the Differences

October 25th, 2016 No comments

screen-shot-2016-10-25-at-2-24-11-pmAt the old place, everything was different. The power company, the garbage company, the appliances, the atmosphere. To quote my dad, years ago, when we moved from Schenectady to Scotia, “This place just has a whole different personality.”

It’s true.

While it is home to Union College (a school notorious for its wealthy students) and Proctors Theatre (a historic theater that offers off-broadway shows), Schenectady1 is not inhabited by many people with an income over $30,000 a year. The per capita income is estimated at $17.1 thousand, and the median household income is estimated at $37.4 thousand. Honestly, I think that’s generous. Most of the people I know who live there make far less than that.

With poverty, comes stress. With stress, comes a bad attitude. It’s normal. Expected, even. But when you live in a town full of bad attitudes, it’s hard to not let that bad attitude rub off on you. Especially if you already have issues with anger, anxiety, and depression, like I do. Read more…

You know you live in the boonies when…

October 5th, 2016 No comments

It's so foggy!

It’s so foggy!

Have I mentioned how much I hate phones? House phones, flip phones, smart phones…any kind of phone.

It’s weird. When I was a teenager, I was a phone-loving fool. If I couldn’t be with my friends, I was on the phone with them. ALL THE TIME. They’d even call me from the bowling alley on nights that I couldn’t make it. Of course, there wasn’t affordable text messaging back then.

It was so bad that, even though my parents didn’t really get many phone calls, they put in a second line for me and my sister so that if they did, they would actually get their phone calls.

My sister rarely ever got to use that line. I was always on it. But she was in elementary school, and her friends almost never called, so I never felt guilty about it.

Not that I would have felt guilty about it. My sister always got everything handed to her, so when I had the upper hand for once, I lorded it over her the way an older sibling should. Shut up, they should too! :oP Read more…

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