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Posts Tagged ‘punishment’

Kinktionary: Funishment

January 21st, 2016 No comments

photo by elaisted.com

photo by elaisted.com

Funishment, put simply, is punishment done for fun.

kaya, at UnderHisHand.com, explains funishment as a way to scratch the punishment fetish itch without resorting to unhealthy behaviors, like breaking a rule on purpose to elicit a response from the dominant. In her post, she discusses how occasionally (and at her master’s whim), she’ll be “in trouble” for something silly and unimportant. There will be “punishment” done in fun, and it might still suck balls, but the reality is no one’s mad. What she “did wrong” isn’t even really a rule (sort of). And the “punishment” is lighthearted and has none of the disappointment and strife of an actual punishment for actually breaking a rule.

However, in some relationships, all punishments are done in fun. Breaking rules on purpose (also referred to as ‘bratting’) is acceptable, and results in funishment. Some of these couples are firmly against real punishment, often citing domestic abuse as the reason (though there are others). Some, as in kaya’s case, have a punishment fetish. And some just enjoy funishment and/or prefer funishment to punishment.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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Kinktionary: Punishment

September 4th, 2015 No comments

BartSimpsonPunishment in BDSM isn’t all that different from punishment in vanilla life. In both, punishment is a penalty for breaking the rules or being disrespectful.

Generally speaking, punishment is used by the top in the relationship to correct the behavior of the bottom in the relationship. Each top uses different methods. Some choose to base the punishment on the crime (corner time for acting like a child, licking soap for being a smart mouth). Some use methods once used in schools (writing lines or essays, wearing a dunce cap or a sign that says what they did wrong at play parties or events). Some restrict privileges or assign menial tasks (taking away TV time, cleaning the neighbor’s dog kennel). Some use corporal punishment (spanking, kneeling on rice). And some use a combination of all of these.

Not all D/s relationships have a set punishment dynamic. In fact, some don’t use punishment at all. Some things to consider in making this decision are how much control the submissive is willing to give over to the dominant, what kind of relationship dynamic the couple agrees upon, and whether or not the couple feels a punishment dynamic is necessary or effective.

Some people do use punishment as a form of play. A ‘bratty’ submissive will intentionally break rules or be disrespectful to garner punishment from their dominant. This is often referred to as ‘funishment’ by couples who use punishment as a corrective tool.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

NS(K)Q: Q53 – I didn’t do it.

July 31st, 2015 No comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 53:

I don’t want to go into all the details, but basically I got in trouble for something I didn’t do. He’s waiting for the next time we see each other to punish me. I don’t know what to do. Help?

That really sucks. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

This is a tough question to answer because I don’t know what your relationship dynamic is like. Each relationship is different, and each has a different way of dealing with situations like this.

Do you have a contract with your dominant? Many people feel they’re unnecessary, but one of the reasons for writing a contract is to delineate what happens in situations such as these. It’s very important that a submissive know what their recourse is if the relationship veers off into the weeds somehow. I mean, even kinky couples have problems. Problems are just part of life. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 23 – No More Rewards

January 22nd, 2014 3 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 23:

My relationship has always worked on a reward/punishment dynamic. It’s not like my owner went out and bought me something every time I was good, or congratulated me when I did what I was told. That would be silly. But when I went above and beyond, or completed a task he knew was particularly difficult for me, he would do something nice to let me know he recognized this, and was pleased. Then, one day, he stopped. What happens when the rewards stop? Should I take this as an indication that I’m no longer fulfilling my station in his life? Read more…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I need a punishment dynamic.

July 16th, 2013 2 comments

IMG_2845-I can’t really wrap my head around this whole slavery thing, lately. I think it’s because there’s no real consequences for my actions. Which basically means I’m a giant douche. I mean, who does that? “I know what I’m supposed to do, and I want to do it, but I’m not going to do it because you won’t make me.”

I’m sure Master would say something to the effect of, “There’s no reason for consequences. You’re not doing anything wrong.”1 And I suppose that’s mostly true. I mean, I don’t defy him. I’m respectful unless I’m joking around. I don’t break rules. I stay on top of the chores when I’m not sick and I’m getting sleep (insomnia’s been kicking both our asses). I obey orders…eventually.

I’m doing this thing where he tells me to do something, and he doesn’t say I can wait (sometimes he’ll say “some time between 2 and 3, do this” or something, and other times, it’s just “do this”), but I sit here tapping away at my computer, anyway, and go do it when I feel like it. AND I’M NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT. I mean, at least half of the time I’m writing, but the other half, I’m fucking around on Twitter, or talking to someone on Skype, or fucking around with the cats, or reading bullshit, or watching a video on YouTube. Read more…

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Obey or Leave: When the Dynamic Changes

September 3rd, 2011 3 comments

I always forget how cathartic it is to wash a sink full of dishes by hand. Or how good it feels when I look around my kitchen and see it clean when I’m finished.

As I stand at the sink, I go over everything good, bad and indifferent that has happened recently and figure out how I feel about it.

“It seems like you don’t want to be a slave anymore.” and “You don’t do anything slavelike anymore.” have been heard more than a few times. I’m kinda having a hard time with it. The fact that this is something that happens once every few months or so, and never completely goes away makes it incredibly hard on both of us. The fact that it happens less and less frequently is little comfort. Read more…

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