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Posts Tagged ‘questions’

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 28 – Dominant Emotions

March 11th, 2014 3 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 28:

What’s this nonsense about dominants not having or being allowed to show emotions?

This is something I’ve been meaning to address for quite some time. Master actually addressed this himself (sort of) in this post here, but he’s a straight, white, cisgender, alpha male, and nobody listens to them. And when another submissive told me that her dominant told her that he’s not allowed to show emotion because of his dominant status, I wanted to throw something. So let’s address it, kay? Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 16 – You’re the master!

September 16th, 2013 No comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 16:

I’ve got this slave. I love it more than anything, and I’d love to keep it around. But it keeps ignoring the rules. I mean, I’m the owner. Shouldn’t my slave be doing at least some of what I say?

Disclaimer: I wrote this post for EdenCafe around the time I started losing faith in the company. I was hella drunk, and veered off the point a bit. I will be revisiting it this week. Moral of the story: never blog kink instructions when you’re sloshed.

So I’m sitting on the couch with M when suddenly I get the urge to lick his back. I cuddle up to him, snuggle my face between his back and the cushions and begin to lick and nip and kiss.

“That’s no fair.” he says.

“What’s no fair?” I ask, innocently.

“You’re teasing!” he says.

“It is impossible for me to tease.” I say back, matter-of-factly. And he just kinda stares at me. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 14 – Things Change

September 9th, 2013 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 14:

So I’m a slave. I asked to be a slave. I want to be a slave. I love being a slave. But as the years progress, there are some things I’m realizing I need that I didn’t talk to my owner about when we were in the negotiating process. To be honest, they just never crossed my mind back then. Is it wrong for me to tell him that my needs have changed?

Disclaimer: For the purposes of this post, I will be using the term “master” in the unisex form and variations of the pronoun “they”. I dunno about you, but typing out all the slashy-speak required to cover all the genders twenty times in a post makes the ol’ fingers cramp. Like Jiz Lee, I like they.

I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again, anyway. No matter what your question, my opinion is precluded by your relationship agreement. I don’t know what your dynamic is like, and having nothing to do with your relationship, I’ve also got no influence whatsoever. As it should be. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 13 – Telling the Family

September 2nd, 2013 No comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 13:

I dunno if you’ve met my dad, but…he’s, like, this big hulking monster who would just kill my man if he found out about how we live. My mom doesn’t really talk about sex much. And my sister’s a bit of a sensationalist. Should I tell them? Do I have to tell them? And like…how do I tell them?

You don’t have to tell your family you’re involved in a kinky relationship. Matter of fact, in some cases, I wouldn’t suggest it.

BDSM is viewed as assault in many places, and therefore, is a crime. In some of these places, no matter how long or loud you yell about consent, the court will still convict the person perceived to be the attacker. Especially with someone else in the background yelling about how awful the “abuser” is. Sometimes even without a statement from the “victim”. This, for many, is a good enough reason to keep their lifestyle and relationship dynamic a secret. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 11 – Mentors

August 26th, 2013 6 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 11:

I keep hearing that I should have a mentor. But this one person said it should be an experienced dominant, and another said it should be an experienced submissive. Some say it should be the same gender as me. Others say it should be the opposite. One lady said that if I go searching for a mentor, and I’m a submissive, I should find a dominant mentor. But if I’m a dominant, my mentor should be submissive. Other people say that’s wrong. I’m so confused! Help!

Oy. Do I feel for you.

A mentor is not necessary.

Let me say that again. A mentor is not necessary.

But some people find them helpful. And that’s okay, too. Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 10 – Bedroom Submissive

August 19th, 2013 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 10:

I’m REALLY new to the whole BDSM thing and in fact, don’t know that I qualify as someone practicing or wanting to practice.

I’m married to an amazing husband and we have a phenomenal sex life – but I have an appetite that exceeds his when it comes to sex. Recently, we decided that as long as I told him about it, he was fine with me being with other people. As it happens, around the same time, friends of mine – who are married and amazing both made separate advances on me and I’ve begun relationships with both of them. The wife is a soft and wonderful lover just discovering what she likes and we have a good time finding out together. The husband though – oh, the husband.

The first time we were together without his wife, he was more aggressive than he was with her there – and I LOVED it. He told me later he’d never done anything like that before (mild spanking etc.) but was beyond excited that I liked it. I was ASTOUNDED by how much I liked it – and as time’s progressed, we’ve progressed in our adventurousness. I guess my (longwinded) question is: Can you be a submissive on occasion? Can you be a submissive to someone who is not your life partner and who you have no desire to be your life partner? Can you be submissive only in the bedroom but quite the opposite when out and about?

Yes.

There are all sorts of different types of kinky relationship builds. From the simplest monogamous couple who takes turns spanking and tormenting each other in the bedroom, to the most complex polyamorous family who has a very specific hierarchy for each specific relationship. Read more…